an elegant brow was raised,
eyes looked at me with scrutiny,
and flawless skin started to be severed,
with the lashes of your breathe,
wounding my skin
arms folded above the chest,
an elegant brow was raised,
your sighs, is what I heard,
your heart, it beats, ripping my very soul
lips opened excruciatingly,
words that could have been tender,
now, it drips with such venomosity,
one that I couldn't bear
-I closed my eyes, as I see my soul with the sadness,
-I numbed myself, feeling the enveloping darkness,
-I stopped on breathing, and found it refreshing,
-I stand on my knees, further, I started walking
an elegant brow is raise,
eyes look at me tenderly,
scarred skin healed back to its smoothness,
your breathe, it stays with me,
patching me up with intensified happiness
arms extend towards me,
an elegant brow is raise,
a loving sigh, is what I heard,
your heart beats, renewing my broken soul
lips curve in such a beautiful smile,
words that are tender, sweet and kind,
now, it made me teary-eyed,
you are here, cradling me in your arms, I am confine
-I opened my eyes,and I saw you
-I felt your touch, the warmth of light
-I started on breathing, and found your scent refreshing,
-I stand on my feet and with you, I started walking
Author notes
hey, the first part is about someone from the past that made you feel broken inside,
the second one started to help you, bringing you back, renewing you.
I really hope that it fits you.
love,
kishi-tenshi
A contest entry
- Beat, Broken. Save Me. by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
600 points, ended July 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Make me Cry. ... One way or another
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really like the way you have done this, contrasting the stanzas with how someone hurts you then someone helps you. I think you expressed this really well. I think the background colour choice helps with the actual force of the first half of someone hurting you, but thats only because I think the background is very loud and harsh itself in colour. Anyhow, a very well written piece here.
Laura.
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lips opened excruciatingly,
words that could have been tender,
now, it drips with such venomosity,
one that I couldn't bear
love this part, for me this is genius
I love how you ended it with the idea
renewal on love...sigh
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intense
I love stanza 3 to the point
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I love this poem. Lots of feeling in it. Great vocabulary in it.
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Wow i liked this alot. It really reminds me of me. And is so very well written. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly
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