Chained to an anger that festers
like a low-grade fever
taking the edge off of life,
ignoring the message of a buried sadness,
creates a soul rotting repression.
Just under the surface
lies a submerged pain
reflecting lingering, unhealed hurts,
and deep, unfulfilled longings.
Bitter tears of anger
turn to soft tears of grief,
as sins, real or imagined,
are absorbed into the cross she bears.
A peaceful silence takes over
as the music she died with
begins to softly play.
Author notes
Picture Prompt
Prompt 7
paw-writer
A contest entry
- Dark Pic Prompt by Carolina Moon.
450 points, ended July 23, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended November 22, 2008, 55 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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What a powerful write...so sad.. your last verse has such an impact and finishes it off beautifully. Well done Patty.
A well deserved win...congratulations
Mariana
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Thanks so much my dear friend! Blessings, Patty
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I love the emotion in this. You are so right, if you hold on to anger it will eat you alive. You have to let it go, even though that can be very hard. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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A very good well writen poem.
Deep and emotional.
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A beautiful dark write that was nothing less than stunning
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Thanks much for your kind words. Blessings, Patty
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deep emotion
i like the first two lines .. good opener grabbed my attention but aside from the utterly sad emotion ..not much of the rest held me .. thats not to say it's bad... but i try to think of at least four ways to say each line of my writes then go with the koolest most grabbt one.. when i'm writing metaphoricaly that is... see it's my belief that a poem can be either simple or complicated but rarely both... something happens to the balance ... but i'm rambling again great write keep em' comming
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Interesting. It was strong and weak in equal measure. I like you're opening 2 lines a lot, they have a nice assonance to them and show lots of potential but the rest of the poem falls short.
"Just under the surface
lies a submerged pain
reflecting lingering, unhealed hurts,
and deep, unfulfilled longings.
Bitter tears of anger
turn to soft tears of grief,"
Read these lines over. Think about how many times you have read or heard this imagery used before. It is pure cliché, which is disappointing because you can obviously do so much better. Your opening and closing lines are very nice.
Thank you for entering. -
OOOH Excellent
Top Poet. Top Poem. Gold for sure. Well done my friend. I pray your life has taken on a richness that has given you a new lease on life..
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Thanks so much Janice!
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you would not believe how well i can relate to this poem.
"just under the surface
lies a submerged pain
reflecting lingering, unhealed hurts
and deep, unfulfilled longings
bitter tears of anger
turn to soft tears of grief"
i got into a fight with my mom, and then just cried angrily for a bit, then out of sadness for fighting with her again.
the whole thing is absolutely beautiful, thank you for writing this.
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Thanks so much for the wonderful comment! Blessings, Patty
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i just fell in love with the last stanza.
thanks for entering
and good luck.
taylor. -
So much hurt revealed here, Patty. The pain sinks into my heart, and i feel the sodden grief that still lingers. The words couldn't have been more fitting, and you set it out well and got your message across very clearly. God bless you.
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I loved this poem. It matches the picture absolutely. You caught the air of depression right on (a subject very close to my heart) and this is exactly what it's like. Congrats on the trophy.
Thank you for the kind words on my poem by the way
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I agree, this deserved the trophy it got ^^ It started with a pestering anger, and slowly melted into nothing but grief. You are able to start with an angry tone and end with such an eerie peaceful one. Nice Write!
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Thanks for such a wonderful and kind comment and for the applause. It means a lot to me. Blessings, Patty
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A great look into the picture, the metephoric picture you painted with words is deep and some what sad. The last stanza ended it so softly.
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Thanks so much and I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the applause too. Your comments mean a lot to me. Blessings, Patty
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Wow! This is amazing! I can't believe how much all your words represent the picture. It has such deep raw emotion I LOVED it!
An amazing write! Especially the last stanza Keep writing!
x
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Thanks so much for your kind and thoughful comment. It means a lot to me. Patty
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A most wonderful write. Very deep. The last stanza sums it all up rather well. Thank you for your entry
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Thanks so much!
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