My lungs are starting to burn,I'm feeling weak and cold, and helplessly
alone.
I feel so betrayed by your hopes,yet I don't want to let you down.
My hopes are constantly beset by your absence and I wilt on the inside.
When you're gone everything fades out of view and i cling to the
memory of your embrace.
There is something in your eyes that shows me what you see in mine.
You are my solace in this world uneasy.
You are my broken carnation,beautifully flawed......
Author notes
Transatlanticism
A contest entry
- Sappy love poems by crazymomma.
800 points, ended July 27, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different! by Trent plus pen.
800 points, ended August 19, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - True Beauty by crazymomma.
1400 points, ended August 19, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore... by Forgot2Breathe.
300 points, ended August 21, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Snippets From A Laden Heart. by Poetryintheblood.
625 points, ended November 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finding Beauty in Sadness by Stevie.me.
525 points, ended December 31, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you like or not like about it?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I cant find your second poem in the contest. So I cannot compare please send me a linkto the other one you placed in it.
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4.25 out of 5
5 senses - 4 few senses but very powerful
Metaphors - 4
Feeling- 4.5
Unity-4.5
flow-4.25
average rating -4.25
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Thank you for your most deeply spoken entry, Josie
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this reminds me (for some odd reason) of a lyric
"theres not greater risk than the one that comes with your embrace"
I like this poem
its very nice
and so true
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I enjoyed the broken carnation metaphore used in this context. The format was kind of confusing to me but this was a very nice write. Thanks for entering and good luck
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I like the line "beautifully flawed". Love means accepting everything about the person and this says that so well. thanks for entering and good luck
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