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Imperfection

I'm just a teenage girl
Standing in front of a mirror
Listing everything she hates
And asking herself why she feels unloved

Surrounded by supportive friends
Yet feels like she's hated
She's looked out for by all
Yet feels like noone cares

Nothing's ever good enough
And when she finds what's right
She intentionally sabotages it
'Cause she'd hate to actually be happy

She's found that one guy
That cares only for her
Yet she fights and bitches
About how selfish he is

She hates her appearance
So she invents her own diets
Limiting herself to minimal meals
And counting consumed calories

She covers herself
With a blanket of make-up
That makes her feel pretty
Though she knows it's too much

But dont you dare worry
She'll put on that happy face
That she does every single day
Noone ever notices anyway

Author notes

I really love not having to worry about rhyming if I'm writing poetry. I really want to keep writing in this style so please can anybody help me with this new poem? It's not that good but I really tried hard with it so don't be too harsh (Not that you would )

Please help me with the title & constructive critisism is greatly appreciated :)

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Walls-within
    August 9

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    This poem truely is good. And I applaud you for NOT rhyming it. I think that if you had rhymed it, it wouldn't have ended up as well as it did. Great job on this...I have no problem with it, lol.

  • all time low
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    AH this poem is like the story of my life. Haha, I really enjoyed reading it! Wonderful job.

  • AdamAdkins
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I think this poem isnt as bad as you make it out to be.

    The only think I would suggest is to try and not use the words "she" and "her" so much. I dont have any suggestions on how to do that, but I know it would help.

    I have the same problem in my writing. I cant stop saying "i" and "you".

    Now, on forum itself...
    I think rhyme is mostly over rated. There are times when it is really cool and words great, but its so often done bad. My advice on writing non-rhyme poetry is to try as many styles of it as possible. Try complete freeverse or longline freeverse. I found that combination to be the most fun to write it.

    Also, dont be aftaid to rhyme. If something comes and it sounds good to you, then use it. Dont purposefully not use a good line just because it rhymes. Thats even more assanine then using a bad line simply because it does rhyme.


  • paw-writer silver member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I think your title is good and the poem itself is wonderful. I like to write freestyle too. Your pain shows deeply in your words here, and it is sad when I hear of another young girl who is not happy with herself just for who she is. I am sure you are beautiful inside and out, and once you can accept yourself, imperfections and all, life will get easier. The truth is, we are all imperfect and it would be a boring world if we were all the same. Focus on your good qualities and don't worry about what others think as long as you are doing your best. Those who truly love you will accept you no matter what. Nice write and a great release of feelings. Blessings, Patty

1 - 8 of 8