old money, old hope, old hatred by misselaineous at All poetry

the sixpence in the bottle
reminds me

the threepenny bit
has jagged edges
that match me

the pennies i collected
as i sat on your knee and recall
the two pence's lost and gained at
fake believe cards in a caravan,
and the hand of fate that dealt
more lies and perchances

(to sleep and dream)
of spilt promises

and scolded hopes

i recall how i felt then;
now know
you were just another
who thought he
could win...

Author notes

this may not be very apparent
but i understand where it came from...

A contest entry

Hate by sheltered. 600 points, ended August 4, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
SurelyWritten
May 5

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It reads as almost bitter, or maybe resentful is the right word. In any case, it has a quick flow, that leaves very little room for doubt that this is a firm place in your mind. Unchangable, or perhaps, unforgivable.

Very well done,
S
LyricalFl0w
October 21, 2008
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this is real deep
Bob Fox
October 16, 2008
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well
This is always a distrubing subject. One that I am at a loss for words. Happy writing poet.
onerios13
August 20, 2008
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the threepenny bit
has jagged edges
that match me

At first glance this seems to quiet to be considered hateful, yet as the piece winds gracefully down, there is such a sense of tragedy, of not knowing what you had and how truly special it really was. And then yes, the contempt is as slicing as a scream.

Majestic and I am left bowing...
sheltered
July 31, 2008

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..aside from that I liked the fluidity and line-break choices. Not sure I can relate to the hate in this as you said in your notes.
sheltered
July 31, 2008
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First thing I noticed and was distracted by was the ruled sheet paper backgound... not good.
Allyce May
July 28, 2008
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"and the hand of fate that dealt
more lies and perchances"

Sighhh, this is honest and moving and although I sense the poem has just touched the tip of the iceberg, there is something dark and unnerving squirming beneath your words.

Fabulous poetry - great to read something from you again
Yvette Champ
July 24, 2008

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At first I smiled to see you had posted a poem after what seems awhile, then I smiled at the mention of the old coins, made me feel nostalgic but then, the cold light of day dawned and I applaud your ability to reveal just enough to enable the reader to feel the wound but not graphically, therefore avoiding compounding any wounds other's may have. It's a fine tightrope but you walked it with panache, your poetry is poignant and pointed me to the pain.

Love and Light

Yvette
Nicolette
July 23, 2008

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There's a lot more here than what meets the eye. Especially in the last stanza (the last line in particular), but also in the 2nd stanza. I sense abuse here, the abuse of power or the taking away of control. Somehow I understand this one. Powerful writing, Elaine.

~ Nicolette
- misselaineous
  July 25, 2008
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  Yes my friend
  you got the theme so very well
  as veiled as i thought it was
  those who know about this just know ...
  
  elaine
Heart Sutra
July 22, 2008
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Fascinatingly well done and I love the last stanza.

Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne Dia
July 22, 2008
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tara wilson
July 22, 2008

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"spilt promises and scolded hopes"

I think it's 'spilled'? not sure, though...

powerful ending, no, I can't say I understand the situation completely, but I can sure feel the poem, it makes me think of hate that people can't/won't let go of

excellent, nice to read something new by you...
- misselaineous
  July 22, 2008
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  hi
  thanks for dropping by
  it can be spilled or spilt i think
  here in yorkshire we use spilt
  
  it's a reference to an old guy who used to babysit me - we played cards
  he wasn't a very nice person, one of many i knew - i have let go of it but it still seethes now and then
- - tara wilson
    July 22, 2008
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    Ah...
    
    I wasn't sure because it was coming up underlined red in my comment box when I quoted it...but sometimes it just does that, and the words are spelled fine...lol
ArtFullyMe
July 22, 2008

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I have so much bottled old hatred I could make moonshine out of it .. drink myself into a stupor and still barely touch the amount..

luckily not from home, but anywhere other than that gave me a lovely scapegoat pin that my peers when I was young, thought it ever so amusing to shove down my throat

Things like that may not have the fire they once did, but the ashes are always ready for flame
- misselaineous
  July 22, 2008
  
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  i would raise a glass of moonshine with you.
  i don't really know where this bottled up hatred came from really, but it did and as such it is as it is...
  
  thank you for dropping by
- - ArtFullyMe
    July 22, 2008
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    cheers ..
    and it's my pleasure
apples fell
July 22, 2008
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The "and" repetition towards the end is the only thing I felt was off. I loved how it began. Your larger stanza is perfect. I dig the caravan section the most and the dream imagery. I feel like this is more honest, not hateful. But that's just me. I usually read things in the wrong frame of mind.

Nice work Elaine.

;
- misselaineous
  July 22, 2008
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  thank you
  yes the 'and' is off
  sorted!
  it has been a while since i wrote anything and i slip in to bad habits
- - apples fell
    July 22, 2008
    
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    My bad habits never go away...LOL.
    Like you said, they slip in and out.
    I like it lots more that you have touched it up. Glad I could help.
    I post rarely so, I hear ya.