Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Once alone..

Missing image
Like confetti falling down on me,
Visions of laughter haunt the wind..
love, like the missing sun,
hopes of better days..

oceans rage with unfair cries..
winter flows in, freezing
hearts rhythm, tears fall like rain..

bottle in hand,
walking with the midnight moon..
soul stands alone..

Author notes

47 words..
Give me up to 50 words on being alone, cold, tired and ......in need



meh not sure if this made sense..Lol. I saw the prompt and was like ok.. and right in the middle of this my muse went "poof" lol.

Picture credit.. Angels_To_Shelter_by_vkacademy

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Slayer gold member
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful

  • unsigned gold member
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    I really loved this....I think that you may be right about your muse though...lol....even though the ending was a little soft the start and middle made up for it...Very well done a finalist for sure...

    Simon


  • Stardust-luvr
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    wow well done my dear friend the energy speaks profoundly under stellar skies. many blessings always xxx


  • jaded teardrop
    July 22

    Edit | Reply

    jaded teardrop

    this is a really good poem, like alll of your others, but this one was really good. it made sense, at least to me. i loved the pic though, it went along really well with the poem. great job and I'm sure you'll do fine in the contest..


  • maralisa gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Visions of laughter haunt the wind..oceans rage with unfair cries..winter flows in,freezing hearts rhythm,tears fall like rain.wow I can so relate to your deep emotional words your poem is beautifully put together good luck in the contest


  • KayJay46 gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think you're boring at all... I thought this was beautifully written and caputured the feelings of aloness perfectly Well done, my dear...
    Ken


  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Love the comparison to confetti, although "falling down on me" is a bit of a boring phrase.

    "haunt the wind"
    AWESOME, AWESOME!!! The wind IS haunting..but you take this to another level

    "love,like"
    Okay...you forgot a space after the comma in 'love'.

    Actually...every place you used a comma, you didn't space after....

    "walking with"
    I think you could use another word besides 'walking'.

    "souls stands alone"
    Since you seem to partially be going for alliteration....why not "soul stands solitary"..or something to that effect

    Good luck!!

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is so freakiong sad I hope that you do not feel like this Alot of people do struggle with this feeling alot though Take care sweety and goodluck in the contest much love
1 - 9 of 9