Past loves by trekkergirl
Lying in my cold lonely bed
I attempt sleep
only to find myself tossing
and turning.
Memories of past conquests
surrounds me
urging me on
pulling me,
guiding me,
first this way
then that way
until I scream out with frustration
leave me alone I cry out
let me be
let me move on...
Still I lie here
in my cold lonley bed
surrounded by my past loves.
In a list
A contest entry
- Interpretation of Image/ 15/20 by imahealer.
750 points, ended August 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This has some great depth to it that the reader can feel because it is very real. I like the way you bookended it. Nicely done.
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Hmm, is this bragging? ..... he-he
I can relate to the bed, having been bedridden for some years, but past conquests... if only
Now about the poem, I think the short lines help with the idea of tossing and turning etc. Now just the typo with "lonley" in the second last line... -
Wonderful
Such a great expression of images and thoughts. Best of luck in the contest.
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I can relate
Wish we could shut off the mind sometimes, but it just keeps churning out old stuff. Well done here.
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It makes it very hard for me to judge fairly when you use your name in the title and answer comments in an anonymous contest.
Your verse is a dream that haunts you always. I didn't find very much imagery or any metaphors. I love the free verse, but I was looking for something beyond describing the image. Thank you for entering and please forgive my critique, but I am always honest. I find I learn better writing skills that way.
Linda
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Deep
Memories of past relationships always seem to stay in the foreground. Some remain with us because they were special; others remain because the hurt is still there. Good one, fellow poet.
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Just a little thing: you don't need to put "by [your username]" in the title. There's automatically a link beneath your poem that says and leads to your profile page.
Good take on the prompt, though it would probably be more effective with some poetic devices and stronger diction. Honestly, I thought the diction was bland and below average. Good luck in that contest.
-hiraeth -
This is a deep and thought compelling write. Do you realize that everytime that you have sex with someone that you receive a part of them. And a lot of times we don't get rid of the past before we move on to the future. LET IT GO! Thanks for sharing with us and may GOD bless you.
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Thanks for your comment. I just wrote this as I looked at the picture. So it was just a quick wrie. Glad that you liked it tho.
Hugs
trekkergirl
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