" B-Side Emotions"
On top of a 30 story maze I stand next to a lake
Staring at children playing on a distant field
With a violent gust of wind the children floated over
A ten year old girl and a slightly younger boy
The boy sat and cried while the girl danced and sang
Then both stopped and look me in the eye
Trading off talking
"its not nice" "we are only children"
Then simultaneously
"the rain is still tinted with out mother's blood"
I backed away only to run into you
In an elegant white dress and long flowing hair
you kept your eyes closed the whole time
looking more beautiful and graceful then ever before, you floated above the lake
I felt the urgency to speak
To bear my every thought to you
I opened my mouth but no words came out
At the same time it seemed like I could see my words forming and falling into the lake
You looked down through your closed eyes and saw them floating there
Looked up and opened your lids
Staring directly at me, yet though me
But your eyes weren't their usual color of Oz's castles
they were a deep dark red
They were made of fear, anger, and hate
Without warning they began to swell
and turn to blood
Finally spraying all over me
Covering me in the loathing from which they were made
last week I had that dream for the sixth time
They say your dreams tell you something that the conscience mind cant process
but thinking back to the way we stood by the lake and never got in
The long maze I traveled to get there in the first place
the feelings your eyes submerged me in
and the fact that I have this dream every time it seems we are getting close and becoming good friends again
I think I know exactly what its telling me
Ive always been a fan of horror movies though
A contest entry
- Controlled Vomiting: Can you puke beautifully? by onerios13.
1400 points, ended August 17, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imaginary by know one.
750 points, ended August 29, 2008, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like the form. It's incredibly inviting for some reason. I think your lines are a little too wordy and there's a lot of telling verses showing going on (not enough imagery for my tastes) but I get the conversational tone you have here. I have an issue with the lack of apostrophe though, lol, which is purely personal preference. I can see you didn't use them because there's not other punctuation in the poem, but I always think they're necessary regardless. Anyway, though I don't think it fits the contest, I did enjoy the poem and thank you for entering
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This was impressive, it was very detailed and very imaginative. I love the twisted ending, the way you were able to bulid up this piece and have this humorous almost sadistic spin towards the end. I live for poetry like that.
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I think RM has got it covered! You write with such brutal honesty, such wisdom and maturity beyond your years. I actually have a contest going on right now, in which something like this [but shorter] would fare very well indeed. Well done yet again!
Laura x
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your pieces are poetry in its rawest form and i love it... thank you for being the kind of person who can dish it out buffet style for us to pick at... keep writing...
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you ink better than tattooists!
But your eyes weren't their usual color of Oz's castles << wow
Ad' you impress me! I absoloutely love your writing.. this one is great - such a different opening to everything else i read and to add abit of informality to the end 'Ive always been a fan of horror movies though' is just awesome.. it fees personal.
i love all of it! no doubt about it! xxxxxx
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