cease fire;
bullets punctured
words
that lips bit back
bared,
teeth no longer snarl
but grit;
silence grinding
enamel to dust
I stroked it
the trigger longing
begged to pull-
but couldn’t
we were at standstill,
just one shot left
in my gun.
Author notes
It's about divorce.
GreenHrtPaleMoon; while not exactly MY fave, its new and begging to be read
- Girls Talk Boys Talk by Aurielle NEW group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Pre-Writes from my Faves!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
675 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Critique Desired.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I loves it! like REALLY loves it. It truly describes a verbal fight. i would know..
The descriptions are most definitely clever and just overall magnificent! I don't expect less from Marty the Great
I shall now go deep into your poetry page and find some more woderfulness to read
♥♥♥Kat the Butterfly
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As always, so much clever imagery and thought provoking depth woven within here. While you go in the direction of abstract, it is in a way that your reader can feel. Nicely done. Thank you for your entry!
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a forceful piece about what was clearly a very difficult time.
I'm pleased to say I have no first hand experience.
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Isn't it sad this is the way divorce feels? You did a nice job of using this metaphor to describe it. I have been through two and both times, though I feel it was the right decision, it felt like a war inside me. Good write. Pen on...
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powerful imagery. I liked the second stanza
bared,
teeth no longer snarl
but grit;
silence grinding
enamel to dust
I like how you wrote "bared" before "teeth." It gives the thought such a good bite, no pun intended. This poem is descriptive of an actual cease fire, but the title makes me imagine a courtroom or a war of words.
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Oh wow......this is real heart breaking. So truthful and just good. I love the metaphors works well with this.
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