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Necessary Evil

Missing image

Heretic eyes illustrate
synonyms of desire
far removed broken church steps
enriching each swan dive
into perpetual darkness

Occult overshadows previous murk

drained from life's reservoir
with shapeless shades of fire

She brings forth clarity
from soot and tarnished twilight
to smudge canvas once covered
forming those perplexities of oblivion
which fiends like me require

 

 

 

 

Author notes

http://mmt-akira.deviantart.com/art/Scarlett-Johansson-91791594

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • notorious gold member
    August 1, 2008
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    Thank you for making Scarlett meaningful.

  • notorious gold member
    July 22, 2008
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    Could with be changed to "within"??


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    July 22, 2008

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    wow that picture is amazing and the opening stanza and the rest of it you continue to amaze me. well done withthis bro


  • Tattboyspet
    July 22, 2008
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    amazing opening stanza!
    <<< is gobsmacked
    second stanza has brought drools ...
    okay, if this one doesn't get at least a gold then I'm not a very good judge of writing *shrug*
    brilliant ... absolutely brilliant!!!!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 21, 2008

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    OK.. fabulous!! But way to close to how I see myself!
    That's just scary! lol

    I think your word choices are excellent and the message is very clear! Outstanding bro!


  • sailor ptolema
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok; firstly, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for doing a center-aligned poem properly. I've been cringing all day at poor form. Also; i love the lack of punctuation. Gives it a nice flow.

    "Heretic eyes illustrate">>I don't like this line, i think it's the word 'heretic'>> it's not really used in proper context...I think you can come up with a better word.

    I do love the ending stanza. It really bring the piece home. A strong entry!

    thanks for entering and g'luck


    • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
      July 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      "Heretic eyes illustrate"(Show) just leads so well into "broken church steps" for me at least. Heretic being a church term for the wayward. I see many things in eyes. I think poetically it is possible to see anything within them. I then go on to turn this 'sinfulness' into what in the poem's opinion is purity with use of the word "swan". So I am not really sure what you mean by context, when the phrase was so carefully chosen as I have outlined. Maybe you are just not fond of the word period?

      Thank you for your review. I like to do what punctuation does but with line breaks, when I can. Glad you enjoyed it.


      • sailor ptolema
        July 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        It's possible I don't like the word lol; and i see how it fits with the rest of the poem Yea; I love the form, seriously I've wanted to rip my eyes out b/c of some of the poetry i've read today... so thank you for your fine entry the poem will not be judge based on that word lol .

  • notorious gold member
    July 21, 2008
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    May I add...LOVE the title. Forgot to say that.


  • notorious gold member
    July 21, 2008

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    EVERY INSTANCE OF ALLITERATION, I LOVED!!<--Are you reading this Meghan?

    Except, you didn't abuse it, like I do without shame.
    (Although..please provide me URLs of the poems with alliteration you DID abuse. )

    "Heretic eyes illustrate synonyms of desire"
    Love, LOVE!! It's like saying "Her eyes make you horny," except WAYYYYY more eloquent. 'Heretic', 'illustrate', and 'synonyms' are words you use to the fullest..potential of Nirvana-grooviness (LoL).

    "Occult overshadows previous murk
    drained from life's reservoir
    with shapeless shades of fire"
    Occult overshadowing...great, GREAT phrase...love the word 'murk'--has a murky feel.
    "life's reservoir"<--NIIIICE. Love the word 'reservoir', because it sounds awfully pretentious, but not patronizing..quite.
    "shapeless shades"<--Mmm, spooky. & fire is sexy.

    "She brings forth clarity
    from soot and tarnished twilight"
    Clarity from sooty? Interesting...Although I'm wondering whether it could also be "twilight's soot", which would be very out-there. Just a suggestion you don't need to take, 'cause I like the original line as well.

    "to smudge canvas once covered"
    "once covered"<--Slightly iffy about this phrase...maybe "to smudge previous pale canvas" (okay maybe not, Meghan will eat my alliterative ass) or "to smudge once covered canvas"...or something to that effect that rearranges the wording. Love the word 'smudge' by the way.

    "forming those perplexities of oblivion"
    Maybe "oblivion's perplexities"..I'm a sucker for possessive forms, and not really a fan of the word 'of'...though I just used it 2x.

    "which fiends like me require"
    HAHAHAHA!!!
    Nice..makes me think of a porn-watching fatso. "like me" could be "like myself" if you wanted to sound more...aristocratic.

    Thanks for entering & accepting the (challenging?) pic I gave you (: You did really well with it, & went past the succubus crap most people would give me.


  • Cannonsfire
    July 21, 2008
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    I like


  • Carolina Moon gold member
    July 21, 2008

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    You just keep on keeping on amazing me Your way with words is stunning. Knock em dead in the contest brother dear!

  • notorious gold member
    July 21, 2008
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    http://mmt-akira.deviantart.com/art/Scarlett-Johansson-91791594
    LMAO Have fun

  • notorious gold member
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    MINE, back off Meghan!! HAHAHAHA

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