The armies of the mermaids move to kill the Kraken's hoards
And sweep away the hydra from the seas.
To save the souls of sailors at the calling of their Lords
And to put the hearts of fishwives at their ease.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish, who can spit you like a spear.
Across the mighty oceans range the battles hard and grim
And the gods avoid the clashes as they may.
Though Neptune feigns indifference he'll change upon a whim
And the Zephyrs whip the waves up in their play.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish who can spit you like a spear.
Far out and far from safety many ships are stuck in storm,
The battles making whirlpools of the deep.
Through the skillfullness of sailors and the actions they perform,
A fleet of ships are saved from endless sleep.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish who can spit you like a spear.
At last the Kraken's cornered in the deepest trench of all,
Where the final stand of evil will be short.
With the last of all his henchmen, who have hastened to his call,
The monster of the deep is brought to naught.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish who can spit you like a spear.
Now you'll rarely see a mermaid (though I know of one or two)
And the tritons only beach on distant isles
But if you are fond of sailing or a cruise is just for you,
You should always greet these heroes with your smiles.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish who can spit you like a spear.
In a list
- Seeking Perfect Rhyme And Rhythm group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Fantasy World Group contest by Riftkin.
900 points, ended July 22, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
800 points, ended July 31, 2008, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Elves, Forests, Fantasy! by PerVirtuous.
3000 points, ended August 7, 2008, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold for Gold. by Mercury Rising.
550 points, ended June 15, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 61 of 61
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This poem was so nice to read, the rhythm and rhyme was perfect and the story of the poem most enjoyable. I love sailing but always aware of the 'scariness' of the everchangeable sea. Beautiful poem this, reflecting so well the seas un predictable nature.
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Wow, just brilliant. The flow and rhythm of this is wonderful and of course the rhyme is flawless, as always
Congratulations on all your trophies for this piece. So well deserved.
Gaylene
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summer daze asks what I would have...its almost like an extended villanelle..very cool and interesting . I note the easy flow of meter as unforced and read aloud . melody perfect. well done
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Does this form have a name or is it your own invention? The repeating lines make it musical and the story gets better with each reading. I think this would be a perfect poem to read or recite to young children, not because it is childish but because it is so full of imagery and excitement.
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I do not know of anyone who has written in this "form" the rhyme scheme is from Shakespeare, "the Venus and Adonis stanza" after his first published work, an epic poem. The meter though is alternating iambic heptameter and pentameter in the first four lines with the couplet in iambic heptameter. I love it but I don't know if it's original.
Thank-you for the very kind words
Jeff
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If only this were a reality on a stormy night, but it's a wonderfully imaginative piece..I think everything that needs to be said has been below...Dan
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I felt like i was there watchin. To be honest i wish i was that good at writting
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legend of the deep
I enjoyed this tale of the deep and mermaids....a great battle of the sea
moves the imagination, inspiring ..
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This is so much fun and so much delightful fantasy! I'm glad to see it rightfully "Urned" a lot of hardware, lol. "The zephyrs whip the waves up in their play".What a beautiful line! It's just like flinging water! And it's so nice and choppy!Like the lake (Michigan) in a storm. Grand use of alliteration! Are you sure the kraken didn't defect to Bindybandy by the Sea? I heard he might fly by whale? I heard he was there playing cards: All eight hands of course: five hand game, and he was dealing. Seriously, though, a beautiful poem!
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wow! this is fantastic. Congratulations on all the gold. My favorite lines ...
Now you'll rarely see a mermaid (though I know of one or two)
And the tritons only beach on distant isles
But if you are fond of sailing or a cruise is just for you,
You should always greet these heroes with your smiles. Spell check is underlining the word tritons ...I imagine it wants an apostrophe. I refuse
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Oh, so this is what a villanelle is! That answers one of the many questions I have just thrown around at various people. Well then, the contest you're co-judging is certainly something I will enjoy tomorrow, probably.
I'll look the form up. Hopefully I don't have to write so many verses =]
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this is NOT a Villanelle, in the contest comments I have written one for people to see, there are also links to Dylan Thomas's very famous one in the contest
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I noticed. Hell, I should've known it was too good to be true
I'll write a villanelle tomorrow. You can decide whether it's right or not (of course) and let me know =]
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Beautifully written piece. What you can do with words is incredible. Congratulations on the gold trophies, very well deserving.
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Not a surprise at all that this lovely has so many gold shinies under its belt! I love this! It marches along with enchanting meter and rhyme. I confess, I finger tapped it to great pleasure
The repeating lines are great!
Just wonderful! Bookmarked
A~
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Top notch work on this one.
I can see why it is a favorite and won so many golds.I would put in the part I like best ...but I would just rewrite the whole thing. Nothing to add to it. Great work!
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As I've told you in the past, this form is one of my absolute favorites. I can see why it has netted so many trophies, all well deserved for this wonderful piece.
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First of all, congratulations on winning all those shiny trophies. This is a terrific rhyming poem with a natural sense of meter, with some fine imagery and vocabulary, and was a real pleasure to read. It reminds me a bit of 'Earth To Jim's' wondeful long-lined tales, though this is obviously not in the humoresque category. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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I do like this!!! Printing this one for sure! Thank you so much for sharing your lovely poetry with me Aneka's school and also the rest of the people at our Eisteddfod!
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Powerful! This feels packed with descriptions and images. I feel the intensite of this. well done and thanks for entering it x
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Good Heavens, it's a War Poem. Make love, not war!
Tiki Cat, Founder of The Cat Peace Movement -
Jeff, you get better with every single reading! This is sure to become a Classic! Keep putting it out there. You are brilliant and everyone needs to know it!
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That is extremely kind of you, thank-you.
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Fun fantasy, very well told, almost like a tongue twister in the refrain.
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sooo good. Damn Jeff, why didn't i see this before...
... I've been neglecting your poetry.! This is a fine example of the way fantasy should be written. . And congrats on the silver & goldies 
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~Meg
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This is, perhaps, the best poem I have seen written by you. I am not a fan of the repeating lines in this particular poem, although I don't hate them. I simply do not see where they add greatly to it. It is a well written storyline and a delightful meter.
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Wow. This is simply superb! Michael is absolutely correct, Kipling would have loved this. Truly a battle where this trio with secretive backing drowns the demon.
This is precise and excellent writing my fellow poet and so deserving of every gold adornment it receives. Wonderful work.
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You are much too kind
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Very cool. I like the imagery and rhyme you used. Thanks for the entry and good luck!!!
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Bravo!
Oh, wonderful and magnificent! Kipling would love this poem, I do for certain! Rousing and potent stuff! A thousand "bravos"! Excellent! Bravo.. Bravo!!
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You are too kind, but I was more than a little pleased with myself for the refrain and I have fallen in love with the form
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Well that spotlight hit the right place. This is fantastic. The form and rhyme are done with great skill and the dictin is very nice. The adventure itself is thrilling and captivating and the end, with its words of mindful wisdom, is perfectly fitting to the piece. A grand poem! Peace
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Flawless!
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This is wonderfully written, and it's an honor to be able to read it! Such vivid imagery, and I can only hope to write half as good as you some day. I'll be looking to read more by you. I can't get over how spectacular this is,
Just wow. -
I don’t know how I missed this when you wrote it. I love it! The rhyme and meter that only serves to intensify the fantastic fantasy imagery. I can easily see why it’s wearing all the gold jewelry.
Love,
Amera♥
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Thank-you I was rather proud of the refrain when I wrote it
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Interesting, I enjoyed reading it.
But what form is that, consistent rhyme and repeating the last two lines in every stanza??
Well done and good job. And Congrats on the 2 Gold trophies!
Keep on writing,
Nooni
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Form, hmmmm
The first four lines of each stanza are in what could be called "extended ballad measure", alternating heptameter and pentameter, but rather than just continuing like that I have made each quatrain into a sixain by adding a refrain of two heptameter lines. A few of the lines are a little naughty and sneak in a spare syllable but that's because I always go by the sound not by accurate counting, if it doesn't sound good aloud then I go in and count to see if that is why.
I don't think it has a name because I don't know anyone else who has written it
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Awwwww....awesome write! What a fantastic battle! The end was like the one in a literary novel.
You are so good with form poetry, I am going to add you as a favourite and hope to write like this one day!!
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You are too kind
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Nah, I really meant it!!
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Thank-you again I shall stop by your page and have a read later
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Another one I have come to today via the "spotlight" facility. I can see why this is a crowd-pleaser, although, for me, the final verse is a little anti-climactic. Good poem nevertheless.
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I was unsure about the ending but I thought I didn't really have enough detail to build to a big battle and end on a bang, and I love whimpers
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This reminds me of a book I once read called Clash of the titans. I believe it was also a movie. Good job. trekkergirl
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Bravo!
Wow! I was very caught up in this tale you wove. The rhyming was excellent and I especially loved the two repeating lines....BEWARE the swordfish! Thanks for sharing! I can see why this won the gold! Elaina
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Fascinating!
A very exciting piece that takes you
on a journey of a life time. There were
so many things going on in this poem.
The sea alone is intriguing. Filled with
so much mystery and danger. Its still the
last untamed exploration of man.
Many have lost their lives trying to conquer
the vast and endless sea/ocean. Thank you for
a marvelous sea tale. Bravo
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Hey! That's not half bad. You done pretty good with this. Have some bunnies.
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Nicely rhymed. Fantastic imagery. The gold trophy was well deserved.
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Now that is a tale.. one that reads outloud
better than in the head...
I love the rhyme for it adds to it.
This is awesome and I love it..
thank you for entering.
Riftkin
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Very good
This poem opens your eyes to the undersea world. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Great job!
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Nice entry for the contest. Wonderfully written in true form. I could feel the words you wrote. I love the idea of mermaids hiding from the non-believers.Good luck and pen on...
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excellent
Now you'll rarely see a mermaid (though I know of one or two)
And the tritons only beach on distant isles
But if you are fond of sailing or a cruise is just for you,
You should always greet these heroes with your smiles.
The tridents of the tritons make a phalanx you should fear
And behind them ride the swordfish who can spit you like a spear.
wonderful lines.Now we know where all mermaids have gone.Thanks for sharing.please visit my portfolio and offer comemnts. -
well done
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This is outstanding and full of life, it's a piece that I can imagine being read out loud on stage by Brian Blessed, now that would be worth hearing, you and Brian together...WOW!
Great story...very imaginative and loved the repeating refrain...Well Done!!!!!!
Sue
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Bravo
This is a fantasy of so many myths, I just love everything about it, the wording, the flow. Great stuff, wonderful read.
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A totally delightful ...
excursion into fantasy. Hard to see how you improve on this (other than punctuating it, of course).
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Just for you, I shall have a go
I think the refrain is amongst the best things I've ever written, it sounds so wonderful said aloud. -
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I quite agree.
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What a story! Now my imagination is spinning...an army of mermaids...swordfish spitting me like a spear...hmmmm, I wonder what I could do with this..................L
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Boffo!
(you're right ... very handy word for verdicts)
This is wonderful but didn't you have it made into a movie?
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