my eyes are crisp
as country apples
and my cheeks
speak
like pregnant soil
to those in need
of such things
as sun
soup and
aspirin
but my lungs
roll worms
fat and powerful
and teaches
my liver to hate
when you say
you can’t stay
to make the bed
or win me over
with the same songs
you sung to
her
and i guess
intelligent girls
are more depressed
even as you hog all
the disappointment
in your tin bowl
but there is no hole
so black
that i can’t make you
fall further
because it makes me
laugh
&
clap
as i love this game
of blame
for i am a born
winner
and daddy taught me well
swelled the bitch
and poodled her
to toy stores
in each town
and bought her smiles
with cash
of every color
is it any wonder
you are just my
shoeshine boy
my little drawf
and must wash your hands
before you can
touch
me
so
doubt not
that others
leave diamonds
at my altar
for i am very pretty
and can daintily
write my own
bible tract
on the backs of
men like you
who don’t mind
that snow white
chain-smokes
and can fuck
better than demons
at a rodeo
turning you
inside-out
until you shit
from the mouth
but
like scarlett
you think
well
tomorrow is another day
and though
you find it hard to
not twitch when you
speak to me
when you know the
hell
i can be
you still munch
my red fruit
tossed to you
from white hands
that would
never
ever
lie
A contest entry
- Best AP Poet Contest by davidbetzer.
1500 points, ended August 2, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
never
ever
lie...
for some reason when I connect that back to the title, split in half to read .....white... lie
I wind up sitting here with a grin
-
Well ...
( LOL )
I'm choked on my tea about halfway through this and am still coughing.
(It's diet Lipton peach-flavored white tea, in case you want to try it.)
This seems to fit what I've seen so far of the type of poems this person likes. I suspect it will go a long way here.
Good luck with the contest.
-
-
Don't die, man! Otherwise I won't have anyone intelligent to talk to!
Thanks...(holding up her own cup of jasmine tea.) -
-
Oh, it'll take more ...
than a mouthful of tea to do for me.
-
-
-
Onerios13 is this yours? It sounds like you. I'm gonna go ahead and assume its you. Your fingerprint is all over this. You get points for having a distinct enough voice for me to recognize your work after reading only one poem.
-
I'm with Mel...rock on! Love, C
-
you totally rock.
-
the 5th stanza did it for me and I agree with PT...I thought it an effortless read and I never see the and's with so much going on...the key was the references to how you were raised and that you used learned behaviour to your advantage...just like most
very relatable
excellent
peace and hugs
Muddy
-
Fourth stanza down has too many "and" words, it becomes predictable. I'm also not sure if your format was a benefit, or an oversight. It seems at first that the pauses are almost mechanical, which makes it hard to read in places, especially when the line breaks come at strange times. Other than these observations, you have taken me on a personal journey.
;
-
and though
you find it hard to
not twitch when you
speak to me
when you know the
hell
i can be
roar woman, this piece was strong. i loved the stanza right before the last, and that fruit imagery was just bitterfuckinsweet
. the whole piece really, left me with a taste in my mouth, a kind of craving. lovely work darzaaaayyyyy
-
oh; i like this. Love the blunt diction; and snow white references that are subtle, and you carry them throughout the poem very well . Loved the way it reads quickly. A pleasure to read
~Meg
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
