the ants that crawl all over the pocketwatch

everything i want to forget
yet which i can remember none of-
confusion stops my breath and blurs
my vision- the more i try to stop it-
the more i struggle- the harder it is
to get out. i cannot remember. i am
frightened to forget. i feel guilty about
things i know for sure that i didn't
do. catholicism, confusion, over-trust,
and low self-esteem come together with
fear, over-caution, and the ants that
crawl all over the pocketwatch.
nothing is safe. i hate YOU, especially.
my eyes cross. i wonder- i wonder if-?
i've forgotten. you can go to hell, you
can go to hell, you can get yourself
to hell. i know it doesn't matter. so why
must i make it matter? damn you Catholicism-
you are the spitting cobra, aiming for
the eyes. you are the stabber of eardrums.
sleep now. forget it all. sleep now.