follow your heart, love knows no rules-
then the Fog lifts and you’re naked, alone-
concede to the masses- I’ve acted a fool!
retribution for actions I've yet to condone
Karma, will you relinquish these reins?
the cloak of night had distorted my way.
the breadcrumbs I left no longer remain-
there is no going back- a Final impasse
I look behind- the road less taken
marks a warning for those who decide-
this turn, once rich with fruits, lies barren-
walk through the skeleton left of my pride
I've pushed against the tides enough-
on my knees, I greet the sand-
the hardships of this life, I slough
and curl into His hands
Author notes
trinitymbs
BTW I use capitalization as an emphasis so I can't capitalize the first word of each line... but I did not leave any "i's" in lowercase so I hope you consider this good grammer!
I wrote this for a contest... I don't want to kill myself
In a list
A contest entry
- Suicide Note by newnoakua.
700 points, ended August 6, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Be Honest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love the last two lines of this peice, it just speaks to me in a way..I can't understand...sometimes you just can't undo but what live has thrown at you and you must deal with it, even if it hurts like hell. Well done, I love the picture that you used with this by the way!
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You aren't supposed to capitalize each line.
Though it is customary to capitalize each stanza-
even if you do use Capitalization as emphasis.
You might want to consider not using so many dashes. Try using ':' and ';' in their proper places instead.
Good luck in the contest. -
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wow that was fast... haha I'm still editing and stuff! Thanks... although personally I am partial to dashes... I don't like too many comma's and periods in my poetry... instead I like to use dashes. Just a personal thing. Thanks for reading!
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I'm partial to dashes myself.^^'
but every 'critic' I have (Between actual editors around here to my teachers) tell me that it looks a touch tacky, and shows.. I think they said 'a poor understanding of punctuation' or something like that- and then I get the whole lecture on semi/colons and why I should use those instead.
Twas my pleasure -
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you know what- Emily Dickenson used dashes. If it's okay for her, it's okay for me
I think SEMI/COLONS look tacky in poetry! ha!
I give you my permission to use dashes as much as you like!
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