Came across the small pouch today
where you tuck away your spare change.
(See, I remembered . . . pouch, not purse.)
Guess you left it here
last time you stopped by for some important,
absolutely contrived errand.
I released a metallic pool of coins,
into my hand;
with pensive forefinger
moved them across the surface
from one fleshy bank to the other
one by one,
counting all the people who must have touched them
--who must have touched you--
while making change.
I wonder did the teller feel little bits of you
sprinkle down her back
and across her waist
in that quiet transaction
from behind the counter?
Or if the grocery clerk,
who hadn’t known a man’s hand since she had her own teeth,
marveled at how she could get so weak
in that singular moment
—I mean, it was just skin.
Or even the kid at Starbucks
making change for your morning rush—
did he notice in that quick brushing
the strength in your fingers,
and understand you were the kind of man
a man should be?
I think I’ll forget to tell you that it’s here
so when I’m really needing you,
I’ll go to the closet shelf
pull it out from that small red box
I keep behind the stack of photographs
waiting to be put into albums.
I’ll open your pouch, let the coins
cascade into my palm,
then count your touches yet again
one by one.
In a list
A contest entry
- Commitment - Sweat Shop Series: Quickies – lets Begin - 1 by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended July 21, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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came back to check on this one
Congratulations on the Gold ... -
One of the best pieces I read in a long while. and it reawakens the envy...women can disect, dissolve, discern and turn the banal dvine with their muse! lovely
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"one by one,
counting all the people who must have touched them
--who must have touched you--
while making change."
You have loved someone to see all the small things that they do. I'm glad you won the gold, it suits something as good as this. Thanks for sharing, I enjoy reading
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Awesome again! I love your work! Keep it up! Best wishes to you!
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ive never read something like this, its interesting. ill have to read it again just becus it was so goo
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oh yes, I am definately seeing gold
amazing
and methinks I have just read a poem dedicated to you
much deserved
moon2u
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This was a truly poignant piece of work...
Very touching and reflective! Good poem. I really
enjoyed the bit about the grocery clerk, as it painted a great picture on growing old, but retaining younger pdesires. Keep it up! -
"I keep behind the stack of photographs
waiting to be put into albums."-- Of the many great lines in this poem this one, in particular, stands out to me almost like a sumnation(sp?). An excellent write Ten. -
I knew this was a Gold Trophy before I even got to the middle.
This is truly a gem - a one of a kind, once in a lifetime poem.
You should definitely publish this one!!! I am so awed and humbled.
That ending.... so... inspiring. So simply stated, but it conveys such complex emotions and thoughts.
Wonderful write!
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Congrates on the Gold!
You are remarkable, and your imagery is captivating. Always a treat when I read your sweet soul! Thanks for sharing your talented soul. Peace, Timothy
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I'm glad I stopped by the read this wonderful piece. Great compelling creative storytelling. I appreciate your ability to write the connections we live. Beautiful. Geo
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I love the voice you use in this poem it speaks on a very personal level. Far different from your usual great poetry-I guess I will have to file this one under Ten's unusual great poetry-wonderful poem Ten, I was very impressed and congrats on (sigh) yet another gold ...Peace
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The most important thing you did here was share a piece of the female psyche... at least most females- if I tried to get MY wife to be that sentimental, she'd Hit me with a sock of coins...!
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... I am almost at a loss for words, to be honest. I don't know what brought me to your page, a random click of a random name, but I am thankful that I decided to click it. This is.. beautiful. It reminded me of how when I begin to feel lonely, I always have something nearby that my fiance has touched, something with his lingering essence etched into it somewhere. This may seem minuscule to some, but having that knowledge is something very important to me; This was gorgeous, it deserves more than a gold trophy
~ Socky
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excellent
actually ___ I was drawn to your work by the site name 'ten thousand cicadas' / I heard them call my name when I was nine. Your poem ABACUS mooved me, so I'm adding you to my favorites. ( no pun intended)
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You really deserved a gold for this, this is so imaginative and contemplative, i really look up to poets like you, you are like a torch showing where we should follow you.
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This is fantastic writing. Personal, intamate, and moving. I love the way you use details to bring realism but you don't dilute the emotion of the piece with excess details.
This is a different kind of write for you. I really like the simple yet beautiful style. It could almost be read as prose. It is unpretentious yet it would be an absolutely georgeous piece of prose. Maybe too georgeous to be merely prose and that I think is the genious of the writing.
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This is absolutely brilliant, I adore it. So personal and vibrant, and the emotion is just so easily felt. Gorgeous work hun and so deserving of the gold. hugs, Bunny
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This is just delightful! Sweet interpersonal intimacies, "See, I remembered...pouch, not purse," and "contrived errand[s]."
Outstanding title, echoed in "one by one" and "pensive forefinger moved them...from one fleshy bank to the other." Great imagery throughout.
Brilliant contemplation, "people who must have touched them--who must have touched you."
Tender "little bits of you sprinkle down her back and across her waist," and exceptional "did he notice...you were the kind of man a man should be?"
Again, the shared insider view of "the small red box I keep behind the stack of photographs waiting to be put into albums."
Warm and tender "let the coins cascade into my palm, then count your touches yet again one by one." This was a joy to read!
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Oh my this brought tears to my eyes that you could pen such beauty. This is such a touching piece. You are a brilliant writer!
Congratulations on the well deserved gold.
Just stunning!
Gaylene
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holy cow.....this is my kind of writing...so NOW and urgent and fresh....bravoooooo
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Boffo!
This is amazing.
What a singular idea and so well expressed.
Good luck with this contest.
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