contusional,
head butted.
Red, like life.
Cream house
congealing,
running away
all sweet
if I blow
harder
will it fall
like the wolf
all huff and puff
no substance
so I left instead
Author notes
Brick
Is contusional a word? if it isn't it should be!
A contest entry
- favorite things PIF by Cat.
700 points, ended July 28, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Ouch, contusions from butting your head. Lots of meaning in your words - cream, house's color or as in your coffee; congealing cream or the house itself, either way unsettling, one as spoiling and the other as condensing and out of your hands. Nice ending, you're wiser than that wolf who, all blustery, resists, because he/she is expected to, instead of moving on. Nice brick lesson.
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Lol.
Oh Chez...what have you started with this one, you sure have given a lot of thought to others lol.
apples fell...was it on a brick lol
never the less it was good metaphorically.
Loves ya!
D. xx
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lol James below is a dear, it felt muddled but he cleaned the brick nicely I think...just a long ago memory even if I head butt that same brick every now and again
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Yes. So much stronger.
Nice and clean now. Your work is always so
beautifully different. Certainly creates a
tapestry, especially in that first stanza now.
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i agree that it should be.
though i don't think it is.
i really don't knw
regardless, an almost humorous
but thoughtful piece.
good luck in the contest. -
I like it! Contusional will be my new word of the week... Excellent write!
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I'm not big on the beginning, with the "c" words, I think you may just want to work with that second stanza as a start, it would be a lot more welcoming. Your last bit is perfectly focused. A lot can be taken here like a grain of sand, falling slow through the hour glass. Different.
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Thanks James, lol Mary and I had quite a discussion on how her favorite things were my nemesis lol, my pottery looked like lumps, gardening flowers that never drew and a brick I head butt of more than one occasion lol...I don't much like it at all, but I wanted to get something down to work with so thanks for the help, will fiddle now Love, C
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It's alright. I still like this piece, regardless of what I think of the first three lines. I think it's just not a strong beginning for what follows. At least, in my opinion. I use to love to tinker with things, still do. I'm not good with pottery. Any credit to those who can, though.
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Blah, lol it's one of those pieces I can see in my head what I want to say but in 45 words it won't come lol...I left contusional because I think it should be a word lol and it's how bricks feel when you butt them often enough, red? An angry life, cream..the sweet life gone bad, blowing it off and him lol until you make the decision to go it on your own..it's there but it's not!!! Grrr...
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I think what you have done with so few words is certainly good. Not many can write small poems. Most ramble on for far too long, or just never get to the point. I have never had that problem with your work, which is nice. I think you chose to keep the strongest "c" word, which now helps add to the expression, instead of separate from it. It is certainly fresh writing. Don't think too hard about the poem. You wouldn't want to make yourself sick babes. I know I can get obsessive when I am editing...LOL.
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'Contusional' isn't a word (according to dictionary.com/), but damn, it sure sounds like one. (:
Love that first stanza...one-word lines, all beginning with 'C'!!
"running away all sweet"
This could apply to more than houses.
"like the wolf
all huff and puff
no substance"
AWESOME, AWESOME reference to kiddy books.
Go pigsssss...and wolfie...and houses made of straw
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i like this alot
it made me smile, so thnks, and wonderful write and good luck
take care, stephanie ♥
love you sissy
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I can laugh because I know how hard this one was for her. Too funny... I think I need that brick! Love Juls ;f
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Lol.. I know that I should not be laughing or anything like that sissy.. but I am.. lol. a poem about a brick!!! who would have ever thought! But I really like this very good sissy! best of luck
Angel
♥
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