There are really just two reasons
to commit suicide.
Maybe the world isn't good enough to you:
Circumstances in your life are painful
You are heartbroken
You've been hurt
Or you are unsatisfied with your life--
You'd be better off without this world.
Maybe you aren't good enough for the world:
You feel you don't deserve the kindness you receive
You hate yourself and feel guilty for past mistakes
You cannot forgive yourself
Or you never wanted to in the first place--
This world would be better off without you.
It all comes down to whether you think
Your blessings were undeserved
Or your suffering.
As for me, I often feel that I deserved to be raped.
I feel that I deserve the nightmares, flashbacks:
I deserve the pain.
I don't deserve the wonderful life I have
Outside of that suffering:
The kind, loving family
The perfect boyfriend
The friends who care more than they should
The various successes I can't justify to myself.
Dear father, you have supported me in every step of life.
Dear stepmother,
you know you've always been my mom and I love you:
thank you for caring so much
and giving me so much kindness and compassion.
Dear sister, I am sorry I never told you
and I am sorry for taking away
someone you care about.
I hope you can forgive me.
My love, I am sorry
for ruining our plans
of spending our lives together
and I am sorry because I know
this will break your heart.
I'm so sorry.
Don't you dare blame yourself.
I just couldn't take it.
I'm sorry.
Every moment, I feel
that I'm not good enough.
And it's not from any pressure
that you've put on me.
My expectations for myself
may have been realistic.
I just wanted to be perfect for you.
You deserved that.
They say time heals all things.
I've run out of patience.
I don't care if I fix my problems,
but death might make them go away.
I'm sorry to be this selfish.
I love you.
Author notes
I'm not suicidal; the prompt was to write a suicide note. This is based on emotions and ideas I have had but it does not reflect my current perspective and intentions.
A contest entry
- Suicide Note by newnoakua.
700 points, ended August 6, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Wow, really good. At first I wasn't too sure, but it really picked up towards the middle and end. Great work!
Good job and best of luck in the contest -
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Thanks. I know that the beginning wasn't the greatest... I'm not sure if I want to fix it because this is the way it would be if I was really planning something like this. Thanks for the comment and for hosting the contest.
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Wow! This is a powerful write.I am relieved to know this is for a prompt, and not a true suicide note. You did a great job putting some very painful and honest feelings onto paper. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. blessings, Patty
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Thanks, sorry for not having that clear at the beginning. I don't really think that this was really the best poetry I've ever written; in fact it's pretty abysmal. But the emotions are more real than I'd usually want to admit. Thank you.
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