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The Hollow

Missing image

I am
   an empty house,

   my narrow walls

   echo like a cave

   where nothing has dwelt

   for six years.

   The last fires burned out

   too long ago

   for me to remember

   what warmth felt like.

 

I wait

   for someone to occupy me,

   to give me that glow

   which only shines

   from deep within,

   to paint my rooms

   in lovely hues

   of pink and blue.

   For now, I am just a shell

   with no life inside.

Author notes

It's been a month since I've written - I have to warm up a little, you know.

Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.

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Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • cup-a-joe silver member
    August 19, 2008

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    Awesome

    I read a persons profile and was told not to use Awesome in commenting on his work. Maybe I can use it here.
    Joe


  • funshine-bear
    August 14, 2008

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    I like how you are an abandoned house, just wishing for someone to move in. That is some creative talent!"to give me that glow which only shines from deep within"...
    this is a really awesome poem! "wowzers!"


  • daggledupe
    August 9, 2008

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    Yes, I can get behind this. Place myself behind these shadowed walls and empty feelings. Our candles in windows so often unseen.

    Great piece to match a great haunting picture.


  • Grateful
    August 7, 2008

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    it is an amazing expression of loneliness and despair...you certainly captured the essence of the image...it really touched my heart...just perfect, i might add....keep up the good work...


  • Shadow Lynx
    July 30, 2008

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    Like this a lot, an empty house is a perfect way of describing how empty you feel yourself. Houses are steeped in memories and feelings just like the poeple who occupy or have occupied themand this enhances your poem greatly and gives it power and depth, ill come back for more soon


  • Cynthia Gaines
    July 30, 2008

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    Awesome imagery...

    This is one of the FEW great poems in history, a true masterpiece!!! Thank you for sharing this lonesome, "terrible beauty" (as Leon Uris would say) with all of us!!!


  • Amera gold member
    July 30, 2008

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    Oooo... How true! A house is not a home unless people live there and share their love and lives there. I think it's so cool the way it's penned in the prospective of the house.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • zt
    July 30, 2008

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    I understand the need to limber up after a dry spell. I like what I see so far, though. Methinks you need another stanza to bind it all together. But then, I guess, if depression and despair have you in their grips, threads in your life do seem to just unravel and end. Hmmm...you still have a way with words...


    • Auburn Sunrise silver member
      July 30, 2008

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      Hmm... trying to figure out how I could tie it all together more without killing the mystery

      Thanks hon


      • zt
        July 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        After a bit more study, I think I would just leave it be. You did tie it together with those last two lines. I think that the thing for me was that it ended too quickly. S1 was about where you are and where you've come from. S2L1-8 was about where you wanted to go. S2L9-10 was again about where you are and that is fine and does tie back to the beginning. Initially, I think I was looking for something less matter-of-fact. It's fine...

  • Eusebius
    July 30, 2008

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    bravo

    Oh, this IS so very fine, indeed! A short but most potent piece, brilliantly express and made for the photo above. A wonderful poem! I loved it!! bravo... bravo... bravo...


  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    July 28, 2008

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    Cool

    This could be taken literally or used as a metaphore for many things, depending upon the place you are in your life at the time. Very well done. ~Peace~Gar

  • kissofsun
    July 27, 2008

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    Reality...

    THat is how this feels. It is funny how sometimes we pick something to read that really hits home, however empty home is.
    Your lines are beautiful.
    Your voice is strong, and you didn't check your feelings at the door.
    I'll definatly be back for more.

    KoS


  • Gwenevere
    July 27, 2008

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    I really like this.I have often come upon houses like this on my travels and have wondered who lived there and what stories it could tell, Ros


  • Pisces Pieces
    July 26, 2008

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    A vivid metaphor, it encompasses the concept with perfection.

    There is a sense of loneliness here, but not a loss of hope. If one is willing to wait, and can say "for now" it means that all is not lost and all has not been given up on.

    I like that

    I really like this, it's strong and it speaks loudly...makes me stop and think.

    ♥

  • cirque du soleil
    July 25, 2008

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    i really like this...it comes across as bold, if you know what i mean...
    And i love the way you start each stanza..

    the imagery is wonderful, and you can just imagine yourself inside that lonely house in the picture
    I think my favorite lines are - 'to paint...blue'

    Nice write!!:-))


  • pops
    July 23, 2008

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    Strongly written

    I pass you a candle
    for warmth and light

    what you do from here
    is up to your decision.

    Accept the candle
    and hand offered

    or sit within your walls
    cold and alone


  • stavykm gold member
    July 22, 2008

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    Excellent

    Oh this is so sad. Boy do I know how this can feel and I'm sure most people have had their moments.
    Your poem is written so well with great imagery in relationship with emotions. I JUST LOVED THIS. You are a very talented poetess and absolutely gordeous to.
    Wishing you many blessing
    Kelle Marie
    stavykm


  • CaliOkie silver member
    July 22, 2008

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    It is you who must occupy your house. Only you can start the fire, only you know the exact hue to paint the rooms. Let yourself in, make yourself feel at home, and have a long chat with yourself in front of that fire.

    You will find that you are a wonderful and talented person. No warming up necessary. You were warmed up out of the gate.

    This is a good piece. You have a nice house.

    Garrison


    • Auburn Sunrise silver member
      July 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      So true, so true - life is what we make it.

      Thank you for the compliments. That's not actually my house by the way. I live in a two-story farmhouse style with a huge front porch! Good ole' South!


  • Flare the Arcphoenix
    July 21, 2008

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    I agree with linda down there. You're good even when you're warming up. ^.^

    I gotta ask though - is there any particular reason why you picked six years? That's the only thing that really tugged on curiosity. The rest was just awesome. Metaphorically speaking, you are the quill of metaphorical speaking. Seriously, you're good at it. ^.^ Plus, the picture really added to the mysteriousness of it [the empty house]...visual aid is always good when available.

    Great work! Looking forward to more, as always. ^.^

    -Flare
    o}--{=======>


    • Auburn Sunrise silver member
      July 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment.
      Yes, there is a reason why I chose six years (there is a reason for every word in poetry, or at least there should be, even for every pause).
      I will send you a message explaining in further detail.


  • lindaburns
    July 21, 2008

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    You don’t seem in need of a warm up to me. This is beautiful and soft and lonely and painful and hopeful. A house. A life.

    “For now, I am just a shell
    with no life inside.”

    Hollow.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    July 21, 2008

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    Just a shell with no life inside; wonderfully expressed hun, the flow of this mixed with the picture and the background just stand out and scream at me to pay attention and I am awed

    Excellent poem!
    ♥
    Stay safe
    Love to you
    ~Manda

  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    July 21, 2008

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    A warm up piece
    Sweetie, this is fantastic
    Love the entire piece as it overflows with heartfelt deep emotions. A write that tugs at the heart.
    Excellent job.
    While I'm here, I want to say hello as well. It's been a long time for me. I'm trying to start writing again as well.
    Keep your tallented quill flowing my sweet soul
    Peace and love

    David


    • Auburn Sunrise silver member
      July 21, 2008
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      hello to you too!
      Yes - it has been a long time. I have a lot of catching up to do!
      Thanks and you take care!


  • BreathlessSunset
    July 20, 2008

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    The photo is so haunting. For a warm up piece, there is such strong emotion. Well done!
    Cheers,
    Tala


  • thejollytinker
    July 20, 2008

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    The photo of the home was fabulous. If you're gonna be using words like these, you need to put on a warning label. Yeah, I'm easy, but it was really good in my mind. Troubling, but good.


  • IrishGypsyRose
    July 20, 2008

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    I like your stanza formatting. Such a thought provoking piece. Nice rhythm and it flowed smooth as silk. I loved it. ~mandie~


  • JohnnyD gold member
    July 20, 2008

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    wow, I like this! I really like this, very well done in more ways than one cooooooooooooooooollllllllll!!!!

    Dad


  • notorious gold member
    July 20, 2008

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    It hasn't been a month! You wrote one for my contest.

    But close enough...

    I like your stanza formatting--how 2 words precede the rest of it...

    "my narrow walls echo like a cave"
    Great simile...'narrow' really heightens the impact. If it'd just been "my walls", it wouldn't be quite the same...

    "where nothing has dwelt for six years."
    Makes me think of 666.

    "for me to remember what warmth felt like."
    WELL THAT IS AWESOME (not the feeling, your choice of words... LoL, though I'm sure you understand)
    Really deep...did I mention awesome?!

    "to pain my rooms"
    Somehow, I don't think 'pain' would be "lovely hues"...did you mean 'paint'?
    Or were you going all ironic on me?

    "pink and blue"
    Makes me think of babies...was that an accident, considering "with no life inside" could easily allude to pregnancy (as well as a broken spirit)???

    Awesome write!!


    • Auburn Sunrise silver member
      July 20, 2008
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      Haha! It was supposed to be "paint" - thanks for pointing that out...

      Are there any accidents in poetry?

      • notorious gold member
        July 20, 2008
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        Damn, that's so thought-provoking...Sometimes there are


        • Auburn Sunrise silver member
          July 20, 2008
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          Typically (though I won't hazard to say always), when it comes to metaphors in poetry - it isn't accidental for me.

          Of course, there are occasionally.

          This poem has a sort of double-meaning: one taken at face-value, and one that is metaphorical, and much more personal.

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