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silent bird

silent bird breathes in
Africa's verdant landscape
cat's roar slices air

A contest entry

Smile... all the while...

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Comments


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 30, 2008

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    Awwwwwwww...tingles go up and down my spine... love the last line dear....cat's roar slices air. Fantastic. great piece. ~mandie~


  • Swan song gold member
    July 27, 2008

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    You melded two images into this haiku that can be very difficult to do and gives a sense of deeper meaning
    well done and thanks for entering.


  • individuality gold member
    July 21, 2008

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    a good piece of poetry which flows smoothly, i like the movement in the first line, with the breathing in, i can just imagine the chest of the bird and the feathers ruffling along with ease as life flies by. the second line is good for it gives a specific place in the world where the bird is enjoying its smiling existence. the ending is terrific as it shows the danger though in my eyes here the cat misses the bird, the bird is too high up for the cat to strike so that is why it is silently breathing, at peace with itself as hungry mouths stare at it and dream of a full stomach.


    • PinkPony
      July 21, 2008
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      Thank you VERY much, kind Sir Poet, for your astute comment...

      This is a very scientific haiku. The bird is breathing in oxygen provided by the African vegetation. In order to write this haiku, I had to research swallows. Yes, I really DID DO THAT! Swallows migrate and one of the places they go is Africa. Swallows do not favor cold winters, you see. The bird is breathing in oxygen and I assume it is breathing out carbon dioxide (haha I almost said "carbon monoxide... lol ) BUT, think of it... birds do not have much breath. So, given that the bird is so small, is it fair that it may be consumed by the great cat? It is a lion, by the way. Nay, a lion would not bother with a small bird. Still, the sound of the lion pierces the air like a spear. And the spear might hit the bird and so the bird might still die and so it should have migrated to a safer place. A very complicated haiku when you think of how each line is really a chapter in the life of the swallow. Thank you so much for coming to visit my haiku.