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To God (Pt. 1)

 

 

 

 

 

       You've pulled me so far,

 

 

  yet there still exists ache

I can't handle.

 

 

               You're my God- 

 

             You can save me,

                                            right?

 

 

 

             You've raised me-

 

    I've rolled in garbage

              I still smell in my hair,

         but I'm not there anymore.

 

 

             You saved me,

                                      right?

 

I mean,

    look at me.

or rather,

   let me know You're looking-

 

 

 

 

Am I the man

that You've bellowed for?

 

 Am I worth

      the shit I put myself through?

 

 

 

'cause right now

I know I ain't

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I think I smashed some squares with this one, onerios13

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Comments

  • Nicole Hanna
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great opening line. I'm a big fan of selfish poetry, with all the "you" and "I"s you can muster. A lot of contemporary poets frown on it, but phooey on them. So the opening definitely grabbed me. The next two lines... not as strong. "Anguish" just seems so emo to me, and the question following it too mundane to be the strong support it needs. There is emotion here, but I'm not sure it's particularly clean. Meaning, it's mostly emotion, but not as much poetic device as I'd like to see. Of course, I envy you in a way, because my poetry lack trues emotional depth. I like it though. There is definitely rawness here. Oh, and please don't reply to or rate my comment, as I'm trying to keep this as anonymous as possible. Thanks