I'm innocent as innocence and sinful as pure sin
And I've traded my life's candle for the fire that's within.
Some would call this strophic verse, but I'll just call it rhyme:
I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
Colorized failure only beautifies my dreams
It's all beautiful, so beautiful, and mangled at the seams.
I'm not afraid of dying; and is bravery a crime?
I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
Give me something meaningful; I'll toss it back at you
I'm defying my reflection just because it isn't true.
I'll never feel guilty 'cause this mirror's smeared with grime
And I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
My jeweled intentions are encrusted with fool's gold
And diamonds of softly frozen tears, but I'm not afraid of cold.
So I'll still have my smile when I hear my death-bell chime
I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
Joy has held me captive, but I am forever free
I'm as happy as the mugger who succeeds in injury.
I no longer can see virtue, so I guess I'm quite sublime...
And I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
Author notes
Another type of happiness... the kind that's not as pure, but just as happy.
Or is it?
Three phrase prompt:
colorized failure
defying my reflection
jeweled intentions
- Do you want your poem read group list • next in list
A contest entry
- The Never Ending Rhyme Pre-Writes Allowed Contest by piccola.
700 points, ended February 14, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whispers of the Muse by SubKitten.
3045 points, ended May 19, 156 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUNDS CONTEST - ROUND ONE - PREWRITES by DecorusApparatus.
700 points, ended August 2, 51 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This was an excellent entry, your rhyme is impeccable and the rhythm very strong. You've incorporated a lot here and I thoroughly enjoyed your entry.
Definite finalist.
Thank you,
--Katie. -
Very well written and wonderful piece! The repetition of the last line was very effective, and added to the piece very well! One note is the first line of the fourth line hiccups a bit because it's not the same length metrically as the others.
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lovely piece springing forth from a challenging prompt. rhyme is well construncted and despite the occasional stumble in flow from the line length, the rhyme does not come across as forceful. the repetition of the last line in each stanza adds to the cohesiveness of the thoughts that run behind the words. well done and best wishes for the contest.
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Joy has held me captive, but I am forever free
I'm as happy as the mugger who succeeds in injury.
I no longer can see virtue, so I guess I'm quite sublime...
And I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
I love this last stanza ... the nightmare part is wonderful. -
Superb Plus
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
best one I've read for ages
I don't think this needs revising at all.
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I absolutely love your use of vocabulary in this poem. The imagery was great and the whole thing flowed very well! Lovely write!
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This old man truly enjoyed your upbeat mood and the skill with which you composed this wonderful (and somewhat mischievous) poem. What a subtle sense of humor you have! I read it aloud and tripped over the first two lines of stanza three; the metric flow sort of broke down there for me--but the rest of it was smooth as silk.
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an absolute masterpiece ...
your talent is outstanding, I have rarely read a poem more impressing, profound and technically excellent by somebody your age ...
brava !
maa
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Promise ... sing
"I guess I'm quite sublime" ... the loneliness of a long-distance runner is understandable at 13 given your intelligence and sensitivity ... perhaps it may be interesting to check out http://www.mensa.org
Congratulations upon the quality of a composition that many significantly older and who may think themselves significantly better would fail to match
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impressive!
you are VERY good for your age! i'm not talking down to you at all.. i'm only three years older than you are, but it's true. your vocabulary is EXCELLENT and probably more advanced than half the honors english kids I know. and so is your style. my favorite part is
It's all beautiful, so beautiful, and mangled at the seams.
I'm not afraid of dying; and is bravery a crime?
I haven't had a nightmare for the very longest time.
it's really deep and thought provoking! and i love the refrain -
Very good verse. I like the "flow."
Summer51
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This poem was great because it flowed so well. It is often hard for a poem to sound right and make sense when you are trying to rhyme. My favorite quote from this:"my jeweled intentions are encrusted with fool's gold."
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I don't know you, I never will, and I don't want to. Why? Because what you have written up there above, is my thoughts in physical form, and meeting you would be like meeting myself which could send the whole damn balance of the world spinning and tipping. Well done.
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Thanks for this comment... by the way, what's your name? We must really get to know eachother; wouldn't it be so much fun watching the whole damn balance of the world spin and trip because of us? Shya!
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Wow!
Again with the amazing poetry! The way this flows is wonderful i wish i had your talent for writing! Abolutly beautiful.
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Wow, this is brilliant. I love how the rhyme scheme only adds to the perfection and execution. Great job on this, you did really well.
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This is amazing. I love the rhyme scheme free verse has never been a love of mine, but this has a rational insanity to it, a dark meaning still mixed with light. I give you this and a package of oreos! Thanks for joining! Members like you will bring alot of thought and creativity to the group.
<3 Vhoori
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Amazing writing..I enjoyed it very much
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You did extremely well with your prompt, and took it unexpected directions. This is quite unique. Hats off to you, this is brilliant.
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One of the rules was NOT to enter your entry in another contest, which you did. I'm removing this.
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My apologies. I'm terribly sorry.... I'll remember to read the rules carefully next time.
I've removed my poem from all other contests, and I hope that you'll forgive me and let me enter again.. will you?
If you don't, that's understandable. Thank you.
Sorry again,
Shya
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wow, bloody brilliant. again.
good luck in the contests.
neon =D
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