Ruby rimmed kaleidoscope
speckled; darker
than ebony.
Tunnel to shadows;
colours; truth.
Plump petals ‘neath
midnight dipped velvet,
whisper melodies;
a garnet gaze.
Each blink;
burning eyelashes.
Each misread whirl
of mist grasped
in a blanket of
silence.
Author notes
image owner unknown
In a list
A contest entry
- Points are Going up by LadyLullaby.
1450 points, ended August 6, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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And why wouldn't you be proud of a gold - so congratulations on that.
What I get from this poem is dark, rich colours, "midnight dipped velvet". It has a je-ne-sais-quoi, definitely.
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WOW, I'm not sure what to say. The use of words was amazing and the imaginary, WOW.
A wonderfull Writing and I wish you all the best in this contest.
Rose
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Thank you so very much for the first place in the contest. It really does mean a lot.
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Stunning
beautiful imagery...I loved the line ruby rimmed kaleidascope...beautifully penned. I admire this line as well...a garnet gaze. Stunning piece of art personally I think. Great job.~mandie~
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Sadly, I can't write this type of poetry and I'm not sure it's my favorite type either, but I know plenty of people really love it and I'm sure they'd love this one. I really loved the first line 'ruby rimmed kaleidoscope' i have tried to write poetry like this and I suck at it, but you don't.
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whoa...I love the way you wrote this poem, its so good. It's beauitful, it has me speachless ^.^ Keep up the great work.you rock =]. You have a talent keep writing
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(in the fourth line) I'm not sure if "tunnel" fits there but its your choice. What about "window" or is that too cliche?
I LOVE this. Very deep and well written and I love the description. Brilliant!
Anonymousxo -
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I was imagining the pupil as a tunnel leading into the emotions of the person. Window is too cliche. Thanks anyway
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Beautifully Penned
Plump petals ‘neath
midnight dipped velvet,
whisper melodies;
a garnet gaze.
Your imagery is breathtaking in this piece. I don't have any critical comments to make on this. The meter and flow are fantastic and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.~mandie~
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Great use of colour to evoke imagery here. Especially like the use of alliteration in line 6, it's very effective, although I'm not overly sure of 'neath' it seems archaic and out of sync with the rest of the poem. Also like the metaphor, thnaks for sharing and good luck in your contest.
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