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interior life, isolated

Missing image
a transient figment,
a momentary variation
in what-you-see reality,

feels along the walls
of an empty life,
devoid of meaning

a small inner voice slides
individuality’s secret panel
into alienated identity

monolithic in isolation's mystery,
attenuated sensations dominate

a hieratic self, figure of
welcoming and forbidding,
charges you with your life

form and reform encounters
within shadowed compressed space
run parallel to life and art sensations

questions recessed within the walls,
between near and far existence, walk
the ethereal passage of if-they-could talk

but now,
whatever happens,
whatever the focus,
either way you go,

there is light

Author notes

Hieratic => http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hieratic

Picture prompt => http://www.elitemodels.cz/news/images/j049.jpg
Photography by Patrick Demarchelier

Edited

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Nicada silver member
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well written and relates nicely with the picture prompt. "feels along the walls
    of an empty life,
    devoid of meaning" I love all of it, but this stanza stands out for me. Very deep poem. Thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty


  • notorious gold member
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this more than that HM would indicate.


    • marlene47 silver member
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks - your comments are the best and your support is appreciated, regardless of trophies!


  • sailor ptolema
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "
    compressed space’s shadowed existence,">>>I sort of stumbled over this line a bit lol, i think it's really the only weak line...

    and you use existence twice and close together, maybe use a different word for one? just a thought

    Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. I love your diction, and the great thing about it was that you used the scholarly diction appropriately. it didn't feel contrived. I love where you too the picture, delving into the darkness, of the fashion world.

    a hieratic self, figure of
    welcoming and forbidding,
    charges you with your life>>> my fav lines

    thanks for entering and g'luck!

    -sailor ptolema


    • marlene47 silver member
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment and suggestion, I fiddled with it but still needs work for better flow. I really appreciate the comments the two of you give - they're always so supportive.


    • marlene47 silver member
      July 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment - always appreciated. Those stanzas with "existence" in them need a look-see, which I'll do later and see if I can edit.


  • notorious gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are so good at writing deep things for fashion/celebrity pictures--it's incredible.

    Anyways..

    "a transient figment,
    a momentary variation"
    Great beginning...Personally, I think it was flawlessly executed & suited the pic prompt Meghan gave ya..

    "what-you-see reality"
    LOVE the correctly used hyphens (I'm a huge fangirl of hyphens...LoL).

    "feels along the walls
    of an empty life,
    devoid of meaning"
    Simple but good physical description of the picture.

    "individuality’s secret panel
    into alienated identity"
    I ADORE THAT!!! Great 2 lines.
    I'm not sure how I feel about "a small inner voice" though...Maybe "your inner voice" or something else..

    "monolithic in mysterious isolation,
    attenuated sensations dominate"
    'Monolithic' & 'attenuated' really shows off your amazing vocab...
    "mysterious isolation" could be "isolation's mystery" or "mystery's isolation"...just an idea, I'm a sucker for possessive forms of abstract notions (as long as they're used less than 3x in a poem).

    "welcoming & forbidding"
    Nice contrast of these -ing words.
    Oh yes, love the word 'hieratic'.

    "compressed space's shadowed existence"
    I LOVE THAT..nice possessive form!!

    "if-they-could-talk"
    Nice...nice...Although, the hyphens should stop after 'could', making it "if-they-could talk." Please change that..

    "there is light"
    Very clever & deep.

    This was awesome. Thanks for entering Marlene


    • marlene47 silver member
      July 23, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Thank you!!!!

      Thank you for your terrific comment - extensive and helpful as usual!!!!!
      I've been working on the hyphen thing - you noticed. I'll check that "a small inner voice" - it's because I didn't want to use "your" or "my." I think "isolation's mystery" would be better - didn't want to overdo the possessives.
      Great critique!

      • notorious gold member
        July 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Under 3 possessives=good..I know someone who abuses them!!

  • notorious gold member
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Meghan chose fashion for everybody. LoL...

  • sailor ptolema
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh they are both by: Patrick Demarchelier


  • sailor ptolema
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ok marlene; you did so well with that s.m.gellar shot i chose fashion for you

    http://photos.streamphoto.ru/3/4/1/9664b04494071ad9ba706519c027a143.jpg

    or

    http://www.elitemodels.cz/news/images/j049.jpg

    have fun

1 - 13 of 13