life in the bustling city is still fast -
sometimes a falcon,
or blink of an eye; sudden and swift
like a drizzle. time too -
flying in a fleet of stars against the sky.
if you look into my eyes closely, you can see a shadow of him.
a metaphor to my name; too complex
to resolve - dropped in the second draft of the poem.
although
sometimes, i wonder
if his name has to stay
in the course of my life: if time
is still slow, like fall, like a finger
upon skin.
and so i remain silent, with no poem, in some unknown grace
of knowing
that time has become an axiom, a two-part invention in F
even Bach
failed to write
Author notes
In music, an invention is a short composition (usually for a keyboard instrument) with two-part counterpoint.
And, "Two-part invention in F" is a famous one written by Johann Sebastian Bach.
A contest entry
- that's not how you call pigeons. by evil tempest.
300 points, ended July 21, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Very good write here
Minds with each catagory of our trials and errors placed in instant recall often pushed and tucked back within the depths for they bring a tear back from a place we so would rather forget but know they shall always be within the minds reach why we shall never know
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aaaaaagh. I like it. a lot.
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where are you, sweet child? you need to write some more.
this was magnificent. i kid you not.
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The third part and the last two lines pulled everything for me. You are really good young one
Thanks for making my day with your poem.
HENSLEY
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though I do not understand music, this is deep,congratulations on gold
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You always amaze me
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I always enjoy how your poetry burrows in, offers layers of thought. You seem to weave the complex into easily digestible bites, and still lace wonder into every line. One thought about your opening line "bustling" means brisk energetic activity, or to work in a brisk fussy way, "still fast" used as a comparative may not illustrate much of a difference between the two. Greater impact may occur with a less brisk description. i.e., Life in the "slow" city is still fast (that is a very simple illustration) but you get the idea. Of course my opinion is just that, and can be easily tossed away. For me, there is nothing other you might improve upon. As always I adore your poetry! Geo
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my oh my did i LOVE this. I agree with Christie below; I cannot think of anything constructive to say. This is a superb poem. Blew me away You are going on my favorite's list. If this is any indication of your talent; I want to read more
~sailor ptolema
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i absolutely adore this. i can't think of anything constructive to say now, but if i do later, i'll be sure to drop back in and leave some criticism.
-hiraeth
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beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...
no wonder...
m
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i love this. sigh... well i think this was beautiful thanks and good luck.
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if you look into my eyes closely, you can see a shadow of him
and so i remain silent, with no poem, in some unknown grace of knowing
woah! these lines are totally S T E L L A R !!
jus loved it haan!! this whole poem is rr-really ---- w o w !
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"if you look into my eyes closely, you can see a shadow of him."
Oh, and I love this line... -
yes, their names do stay in your life...the sound fades though, a little, this is excellent, I love your voice, I love your poetry......
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Nice.
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this is lovely...I love the repetition of 'f', it adds to both the mood of the poem, and the title...excellent penning, Namita
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wow, this really worked for me.
Love, loved this.
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Sorry meant to give you some applaud too!
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Excellent final verse and I really love this line - "if you look into my eyes closely, you can see a shadow of him." you always have at least one killer line per poem!!
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You know I always love your music pieces, especially the piano ones.
I love how this one moves from the "fast bustling city" to the slow movement of a "fall, a finger on skin" - nice alliteration there too. Also the way you've weaved the "two part" into the poem - the two parts of this poem.
Wonderful stuff that speaks right to my core, poetess. Loved this one - this is music, this is poetry!
~ Nicolette
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Ah, a delightfully melodic composition my dear
that sang to my soul like a spirited virtuoso!
All the best,
Love and peace always,
mj.
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