we spoke of whist
old dogs, farm sunsets
with gray sheets,
barns on fire
and Grandma's cooking
god awful,
thick
ripe
rib stuck
spit tobacco
in hay bales,
you shoot my breezes
coming home
to watch the fading
much smaller,
frail transparency
but you use my eyes
remembering how it was
I'll have tales
to tell someone,
charismatic
lonesome
songs
snow petunia's
a picture of
where you sat
porch swing
catches me
aging backwards
I slept good
then
Author notes
#4 In my shoes
A walking sleep
And my youth
I pray to keep
In a list
A contest entry
- #6 Black Hole Sun II -Song Inspiration by ModernXTimes.
900 points, ended September 9, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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what a lovely poem of youth and nostalgia! I loved the images it painted in my head, almost like summers at grandma's house. It's a little mournful with the final line. Sad and beautiful. Good luck and thanks for being patient
sincerely,
modernxtimes -
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Thank you for the trophy, this one was very special as I adored my Pa and those times were some of the best memories I have to hold on to him. I am so glad you enjoyed it.
C
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Lovely!
I wanted to write on the last line, myself, as this is one of my favorite songs.
Then I read yours.
Makes me yearn for the past, for my grandparents, the happier times of my childhood.
Not sure, the words just touch something...
I'll say no more, as I cannot say anything at all as you say it. Forgive my clumsiness.
Debbie
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this is really sweet...and for some reason summons goosebumps when I read it.
I like the form and flow of this piece a lot.
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I like this -> the topics of conversation followed by their terse but apt adjectives (descriptive of the man in themselves), "you shoot my breezes," what he sees in your eyes, the tales in you of him, "porch swing catches me aging backward" and the nostalgia. Oh, it's making me teary.
Marlene -
Good stuff.
The little specifics make it so real.
Luvit.
Good luck in the contest.
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He was an easy man to write, not so easy to get to know lol but I loved him anyway!
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yes.
Perfect.
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Very good. Took me back to other times and other places. BRAVO!
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Oh, this is so lovey and nostalgic, soft as the snow petunias - what a wonderful metaphor. You took me way back with this one, Chez... thank you for that.
~ Nicolette
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Loved the rhythm and pace you constructed here, and the diction is stellar, all around a masterful penning Cheryl!
All the best in the contest!
Love and peace always,
mj.
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Aww this is fab SIL! You are so creative in your wording and images you paint... I am in awe!
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Thanks hun, penning about Pa is always easy because his memory never fades
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This is beautiful. Wonderful images of a time with your Grandfather. Love Juls
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