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Blue-Eyed Beauty

Holding success in my arms
I look back
Every step I climbed
pumping hardwork.
The ladder
reaching the sky.
Adventurous life
refreshed with pizzas,
I cling to my spot
eyes on the sky,
my throne is waiting,
And
I practice,
The occupying style

Author notes

photo http://static.blogo.it/clickblog/AgynessDeanPirelli2008.jpg

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • sailor ptolema
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "The ladder
    reaching the sky.">>much better

    "refreshed with pizzas,">>>this still doesn't seem glamorous to me lol; I think of college.

    The edits are much better!!!!! You've made this stronger.

  • sailor ptolema
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ok...frankly I'm not really a fan of this . You need to left-align. It will look better; and break it up too. That will increase the strength of this.

    "refreshed with pizzas,">>sorry; i don't like this ....it's devoid of an effectual power.

    "The ladder so high
    ending into the sky.">>This is cliched and fragmented in an awkward way. I'd rephrase.

    Lastly; i don't like the winking smilely . It's not appropriate for this piece .

    I do like "the occupying style" though. Celebrities, etc, do know how to occupy the limelight

    thanks for entering and g'luck.

    • Aliya Abbas
      July 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well thanx for the critique,
      i respect your ideas. I personally feel that it is impossible to satisfy every person with one single piece of poem, that too when the poet is not from litterature field and an amateur one.
      Anyways wht u expressed may be ur personal views so i did not feel the need to modify my poem.
      the 'wink' is here coz models are trained for their grace n style, they dont need to PRACTICE for it. so the wink here for the model's confident imagination of already being on the throne.


    • notorious
      July 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      HAHAHA, we like/hate totally different things

  • notorious
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I hope you're not one of those people who hate hyphens, because I LOVE THEM, and your title needs one for "Blue-Eyed".

    "ending into the sky."
    I like this line--it indicates just how damn high the ladder is!!

    "refreshed with pizzas"
    Sounds like Hollywood. What's more glamorous than cheese-topped pizza?

    Thanks for entering (:

    • Aliya Abbas
      July 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      thanx for the advice. i added the hypen
      And for pizzas, they made a way into my poem coz Agyness Dean loves pizzas. so I tried to add them to make it a special Agyness poem.


  • crimsondew
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice direction you took the photo...Like it!
    all the best!


  • sailor ptolema
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    http://static.blogo.it/clickblog/AgynessDeanPirelli2008.jpg

    if you can't access the link let me know


    • notorious
      July 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ooh punk chick, interesting


      • sailor ptolema
        July 20, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        it's the model: agyness dean

        • notorious
          July 20, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Haven't heard of her...but now I have! I've only heard about the uber huge (and slightly overrated?) Adriana Lima, Selita Ebanks, etc...

1 - 13 of 13