Here we stand.
Our feet set wide apart
to match the yawning
of our tall ship,
the white sails snapping
in the hot wind.
Our long sword stuck
in our belt,
our hands upon our hips
gazing at the far horizon.
Lisa says
"Will you buy me something pretty, Today?
And quit moping about,
I hate that."
as if spreading our ailment
would cure the disease,
Lisa sits on the couch,
fiddling with something
I can't quite see;
our various projects
lie scattered about the room
something to conclude,
to cover the open wound.
And then there's
Stone
passing through
New Orleans
admiring
all the pretty girls
in tight jeans,
thinking of the bright golden days
of her,
thirteen scenes into the dream,
the beginning of the ending things.
Tangled strings
outpourings,
our proud ship
dashed
upon the jutting rocks.
And Lisa says,
"Will you write me a story?"
Author notes
For Woodworm, and Zack.
Written January 8th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Wow. I like it a lot. It's got one of those unexplainable things that pulls me in. Great job! Keep writing!
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nice write i liked this it was all good but the vere that follows was graet i liked the flow of it
And then there's
Stone
passing through
New Orleans
admiring
all the pretty girls
in tight jeans,
thinking of the bright golden days
of her,
thirteen scenes into the dream,
good job
-
gret rwite
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I loved New Orleans and hopefully will visit again someday... the big river always asks questions...
as do we women... we always know the answers though, mostly...... before we ask
pertinent
oldies are goodies
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Do all men want to be Johnny Depp and at the helm of a ship? "It's a pirates life for me" argh! did you mean to say the ship was yar...or was the yawn just metaphorical?
Did it get tired too and give up on the dream and just lay down on the couch ... either way it works. -
Nice! Great job.
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Interesting but a little confusing. You start on a ship, then end up on your couch, and then you're in New Orleans. It's a little hard to follow, but the imagery is quite good, and the dialog is pretty good as well. - oce
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4
You have a gift. This was really good!! -
how incredible of a write. So real and quite sad...and not sad. Growing old, missing the youthful things, yet I find that I get more comfortable with those things the older I get. Sometimes I am crazy as a loon however....so this may be one of those moments... And I love this poem.
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did that poem really have to end?????????? i didnt want it to i loved it and I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!awesome write you have here!!!!!!!!!!!............WRITE ON ROCK ON READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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very good at letting me invision this as I read it! great job on the write, looking forward to reading more from you
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Groovy piece!
Maintain your good workings!
This one floods like a flow of moonlight across the human soul, very luridly. Each line must be pored over and carefully meditated upon so as to visualise the concepts therein. The whole piece salivates with love, heat and demonic possession. A brilliantly painted painting with great rhythm methods. -
Fantastic piece!
Keep up the good work,This one flows like a stream of light across the human heart, very colorful. Each line must be paused and carefully examined so as not to overlook the visualization that you are painting. The whole piece drips with emotion, warmth, and light. A canvas brilliantly painted. Excellent rhythm and flow and the emotion is real and tangible. -
"piffle"
Wonder if I can play that word in scrabble land. HEY! Smile would ya.
I never dribbled on this? Hardly imaginable.
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brilliant write
It seems like the two have drift apart without the satisfaction of being whole.haha brilliant write and thanks for sharing it with me.... -
good
This had amazing imagery. I could picture the guy standing there like a pirate. And your word play was very good.
I really liked this. good job. -
how can I not love this poem??!! it made me want to be Jack Sparrow!
thinking of the bright golden days
of her,
thirteen scenes into the dream
what a brilliant description! how perfectly it segues into "the beginning of the ending things"
Lute writes good poems. probably writes good stories too. so write her one. what's to lose...? -
All i keep seeing when i read this (which i did twice...just incase) is someone standing in a day dream, and then having someone shout them out of it, it's weird, but that's what i see...you go from pirate to homeboy...sorta...
i like.
Nyx... -
brilliant
now why can't I write like this?
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Ha ha! You done stepped in a pretty little trap. Really interesting. So, I just am no sure on "And then there's Stone"; is Stone a person or something? Otherwise I think this is sweet, funny.
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Weeee! I want to be a Pote like Uncle Lute when I grow up, and write pomes about Sex and everything. Too late, I have already consented to be wrecked.
Oooh yes, Mermaid, also I say piffle if you want me to say piffle. I think Lisa should say piffle at some point. Lisa sounds like the kinda gal who would say piffle.
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Aren't you just darn spankin' brilliant ! LOL
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They have testosterone patches now. From what I hear, they work great! I am sure Mr. Stone will appriciate his mention.
The whole scanario reminds me of the short story Shiloh by Norma Jean Moffit. A couple- not connecting, drifting apart. It is a scenario that I have lived through, and overcome. It can be done. I am bookmarking this one. I really like it.
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Can't bloody well figure out the title, right now, but that may simply be because I'm tired. There seems to be some innocence here, with a strong subtext of something heady that I can't quite grasp.
'eh.
Jade -
pouts
Lisa gets kisses and stories, Woodworm and Zack get poems.
I just adored the descriptions in the first bit - like playing pirates. I heard the sails snapping. Maybe thats just wishful thinking, for I feel its all just metaphor, and I need to look deeper then just the surface.
I want to know who Lisa is. She is often there, wading in the pools of your poetry...I haven't decided yet whether she skinny-dips, but it wouldn't surprise me.
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I like the sixth part the best, the flow and rhythm of it just moved so smoothly. The rest is quite nice as well.
A good piece that you have written here
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most excellent
Ya gotta stop moping Lutie and maybe a bottle of Bali Hai for those blues. Yea I see a little Walter Mitty here and some Buke too. Must be the pretty girls in tight jeans. I like.
Desiree
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And what is wrong with Walter Mitty? I loved his adventures.
And why must Lisa ask for something pretty? ( You should have bought her something pretty EONS ago.) Unless she is like a child and expects that you have brought her something everytime you come in the door. If you think testterone blues are bad, you should try harmonal reds... -
Testosterone? Oh no. Oh no. OH NO! Ever tried mind modification?
Poor Lisa ... Please don't buy her anything ... Rather give her a (very, very, VERY real) kiss and write her an end-beginning ... She suffers, too, because of your testosterone blues ...
So: Woodworm, too ... and Zack? What IS it with you men? GRRRRRRR!
Myra
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very good
This reminded me of a story from highschool, the secret life of walter middy. Your poem was a great read and speaks to the inner life in all.
well done.
John -
Hmmmm...I'm with Claire...I think there should be a poem written for the two of us...a girly poem proclaiming our brilliance!!! Yea!
Okay, I'm assuming this is so Worm can leave one of those silly, overly long, mildly pompous comments that you two trade back and forth and I adore reading. I'm hoping he says something like "piffle" or another equally British word.
I really liked:
"as if spreading our ailment
would cure the disease,"
Kind of hard but undeniably true...neat really.
Well, I'm off.
---- for big ships and swashbuckling
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just the worm and zack eh, what about me i will cry
well, mr worm will like it because there are tight jeans and pretty girls and things like that... and who knows about zack because that depends on a lot of things - i dont know
i like it because i just do and the last line most of all of them because everyone would like that wouldnt they
what was she fiddling with do you think?
i know what i think it was anyway
there was a cartoon where a worm was a pirate but it wasnt a wood one it was an earthworm
it sounds breezy and things
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