Between the shadows
I can sometimes catch my breath
but in the light the vacuum of
exposure sucks up all there is of me
until I cease to be what I am.
Then I rest again in the shadows
becoming what I was meant to be:
a shadow on the sun
like a shard of night
my eyes black marbles
in a sea of smoke.
Confined to corners
I look on from a distance,
a hole in the darkness
watching you in your
world of light.
A contest entry
- Calling All Abstract Poets!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended August 3, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Creatively abstract. Love the 2nd stanza and simply adore "like a shard of night". Such extremes can suck us in so much that the gray disappears.
Also see a meditative depth. Nothing is the most useful thing in life, for if nothing is there, we have something to fill.
Beautiful abstract poem with many possible interpretative directions.
Steve
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This is a wonderful piece of depth, a somewhat bittered adoration, and powerful imagery to thought. Very well penned.
I especially enjoyed these lines:
"the vacuum of
exposure sucks up all there is of me
until I cease to be what I am"
.. this in itself was so poignant, and something I could just sink right in to ..
"my eyes black marbles
in a sea of smoke"
.. great visual which speaks beyond the words, nice effect - tying the thoughts together well ..
Great write! Thank you for your entry!
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I LOVE how the title flows so naturally into the first line! Great trick!
Also, the ending is exquisite, especially "a hole in the darkness" - for some reason that is so intense and vivid.
Great write! Good luck in the contest!
I've noticed that your writes are getting darker, heavier, and logner lately. I'm wondering if there is some significance to that?
I'm always here for you, if you need to talk (though I realize you're much wiser and quite the expert).
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"my eyes black marbles
in a sea of smoke."<----- keen observation with stark image there. Yikes.
Lots of pictures that show the reader it could be more than a few things. I like that!
The oo-h oo-h is out there as you are watching from your vulnerable soul eyes.
A fantastic entry to the contest. You're 'up there'.
Visuals with abstract doors.
Dianne
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Nice contrast...
Balancing light and dark eloquently...and yet, a marked sense of sadness...but does darkness hide from light? no, they are companions, partners in everything; good and evil too, without one, the other would not exist, it would have no purpose; they must co-exist; if it were not so there would have only been one, that is gods status but we are manifest as many, to perpetuate whatever it is that existance; life was designed to be... an ironic game for someone's amusement
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I've read this three, four times now.. trying to capture the image I see, but it's evasive, as shadowy as that first line.
There is such a sense of disconnection in it, of being off to the side of everything else, that in a way it reads like depression, but depression.. itself seems too shallow for it..
There are many other thins I could connect it too as well, as the layers in the allusions work incredibly well for me.. they allow me to paint so many meanings into this it's surprising..
From faithlessness, to atheism, to anger, jealousy, to hate, and from there, images that seem oddly out of place ones that take this out of the more negative tone to one much more balanced, though less emotional, and more observational.
Fascinating..!
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this is very dark - it makes me think of jealousy & such a place we put ourselves in when feeling that way...this has excellent imagery.
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This is vivid... great images, leaves me with a heavy feeling...Well written, Poet!!!! Bravo!!
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This is wonderful, abstract poetry and I love the contrasts in this poem, especially the last stanza. This poem leaves one with feelings of distance, a looking-in from the dark into the light. A well-written piece of writing, my friend.
~ Nicolette
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