He is putrid, rancid rain,
which dwells upon the puddles of my soul,
lingering just long enough to infect
the stolid silence of my cotton candy dreams,
then leaving black and white nightmares;
and as I kneel at the side of the highway to hell,
resurfacing all of the good intentions which stranded me here,
caramel memories melt from my sky,
and bleed down as artificially flavoured rain.
Author notes
Prompts Used:
[3] The road to hell is paved with good intentions
-4 Minutes, Madonna ft. JT
[4] Artificially flavored
[7] I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands
-You Can't Always Get What You Want, Rolling Stones
[9] Cotton candy nightmares
[10] Sleep-walking in black & white
In a list
A contest entry
- Allure by notorious.
473 points, ended July 21, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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"puddles of my soul,"
LoL I like that.
Feels damply soulful...LoL
I think your third line is way too long & could be broken down to be more aesthetically pleasing. (:
"caramel memories melt from my sky,
and bleed down as artificially flavoured rain."
Wow. Such strong points created with these last 2 lines.
Thanks for entering (: -
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thanks for the tips and I am so glad you like it!
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