You say you dont care
You dont love me
But what happened?
How did you fall,
Out of love with me
You used too tell me
that you loved me
you whispered it in my ear
as i sat next to you
your arm around me
protecting me
loving me
i thought you meant it,
I thought you wouldnt lie,
Right to my face
whispering your betrayal
deeper into my heart
ripping me to shreds
tearing me apart
You still listen to our song,
Do you think of me?
When you hear it,
Do u feel bad?
Do you care that you killed me,
When you said goodbuy,
So did I
I will never be the same.
Its all your fault!
I try to hate you
Yet I cant,
I love you too much
Im not sure why
Maybe,
Its because when I was in your embrace,
I felt at home,
safe,
Protected,
For the first time in my life.
As I think this,
I cant help but too also think
just how naive I was,
And still am,
What is wrong with me?
Why cant I forget you
Why can I still feel you
when i close my eyes.
And when I awake
I am still haunted by my dreams,
Dreams of you,
Coming back to me
Forever this time
But then I think
It is a dream
I am pathetic
get a grip
grow up
But how can I?
Im already dead
You have killed me
The only thing I feel is pain
Misery
and sorrow
So I press harder
so I can numb everything else
and prevent myself,
once more,
from having to deal with myself
from having too deal with you
with my shattered heart
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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You asked for reads and comments, so I'm reading and commenting.
Firstly, grammatical/spelling errors:
***You say you dont care
You dont love me***
--> should be ***don't***
***as i sat next to you***
***i thought you meant it,***
--> need to capitalize the I
***I thought you wouldnt lie,***
--> ***wouldn't***
***Do u feel bad?***
--> ***you*** not ***u***
***When you said goodbuy,***
--> should be ***goodbye***
***Yet I cant,***
***Why cant I forget you***
--> ***can't***
And now to the actual content: in essence, not necessarily bad, but poetically it's very basic. You should be aiming to show the readers what happens/is happening, not simply telling them as that makes for dull reading.
But look at how many times you say *I* or *me*. This is very centered around you, and that's one of the things I detest about "emo" poetry.
You have potential, but at the moment, this is still cliched, especially with the ending. There are a million other emo poems out there which end up with people cutting because of their ex, and this is just another one of them.
No offence meant. -
I understand this completely. You have to understand though, that you can never just forget about someone as soon as they fall out of love with you. Because while they might not have feelings for you anymore, your feelings are still there. I fell real hard for this guy and he screwed me over, but even though I saw what a jerk he was, it took me ages to forget about him. But be patient sweetie, it will get better. And this is a good piece.
xox -
You should change the background on this; it makes the piece rather difficult to read.
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how do u change it after you set it?
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On the right side of the poem page is a link that says "Edit". Next to it is one that says "Edit Background". Click that one and go from there.
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