~
redundant
scrawled
fragments,
grammatically ignored,
knocked mere nouns into
etched verbs
redundantly then
one day realizing he
had left
exclamation marks…
.
.
.
“Please.”
summoned reason
at long last to court
the margin,
question
periods and capitalize.
Heads comma prevail,
tears edit arms
bearing heavy
odes.
~
Author notes
Prompt:
Oh God ! please Open my eyes ...Uknown
A contest entry
- open my eyes... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended July 23, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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An intriquing and interesting write--
Very creative and imaginative.
An abundance of metaphoric content.
Very Well Penned!
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Thank you so much BT for reading and commenting.
Paul
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I makes me wonder if the punctuation came too late? Was there still room to edit for clear understanding?
Or was it left the phrase that happens all too often in life?
Memories of such phrases remind me why tears fall. This one hurts my heart.
Excellent. ~Pamela 
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thank you Pam. You notice I took great pains to leave out any mention of the subject of the verbal abuse (no "she") because I wanted to strongly emphasize this guy's behavior only.
toward the end I introduced law terms to add a note of seriousness to the mood - "please" (sounds like police) Is a final plea by someone, either her, the neighbors, friends etc. and that's the volta when he realizes he's screwing up. "summons to court" is a play on words - an opportunity to court his missus once again.
He then questions his own "periods" meaning his insistence on having his own way and "capitalizes" on the opportunity to change.
"heads comma prevail" sounds like calmer heads now prevail.
Then at last the tears come, prompt him to wrap his arms around his sweety and saying all the nice things about her - "odes"
AAaaaaaallll better see?
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Humm..I can see the depth of the pain and the need of the vision is very much desired by the soul.....well done .. thanks for entering such a wonderful entry ..
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