Her hair shines like spun autumn gold,
curls and waves to die for.
Chanel perfume and ruby lips
that could beckon every eye.
Silken dress that clings in ripples
around an impossibly small waist.
Long, long lashes black as night
veiling sparkling blue eyes.
Patent high heels give form to
long slim legs, enveloped by black silk.
Soft smokey shadow below arching brows,
blends into ivory foundation.
Golden heart shivers on figaro chain
as matching braclet is clasped on.
She sweeps blusher over smooth cheeks
and checks the vision in the mirror.
Just a pair of earrings,to be perfect for him.
Smiles sweetly as she slips the knife in her bag.
A contest entry
- Kill me with the last line. by Loki.
1750 points, ended July 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Oh oh!
Didn't see that coming! That last line is a killer! 
Love the way you get the readers attention with the detail of the 'Drop Dead Gorgeous' woman. Great title for this poem BTW! You really had me going! 
I was thinking: fem fatal'! Ugh...how do you spell that? 
I'm surprised this didn't win a trophy 'cause it's 
I wonder if 'he' thought she was perfect! 
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Thank you so much for your brilliant comments on 'Drop Dead Gorgeous'! I'm thrilled you liked it so much. It was a fun write becasue I knew that the start of the poem suggested something else. Thanks again!
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Oh been there myself
I was a country girl and no mans fool I always carried a knife on my dates and brother those boys dont know how lucky they were when they took me back home safe and sound hahaha
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At least she didn't slip a body part into her purse
Nice job, I like the twist at the end. -
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lol, ooh now how'd that one end? Thanks for your lovely comments. By the way your picture has the same hair style as me!
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thank you for putting this on our library shelves
Nice job. The ending was a surprise.
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Glad you liked it!
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I am a fan of rhyme even subtle, so I think it could be worked around to give that lilt and that would be the only thing you would need to make the ending line even more climatic. I do love that twist at the end because I was envisioning a very romantic assignation until I got there.
Just an idea here:
(Hair shining like spun autumn gold
curls and waves for which to die
Chanel perfume and ruby lips
beckoning every eye,
Silken dress that clings in ripples
enhancing the silhouetted view.
Long, long lashes black as night
veiling sparkling eyes of blue)
Just my thoughts, hope you take no offense, but you did ask for thoughts. I really like the poem though. -
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Hi
Yeah, I'm a fan of rhyming, so this works for me. Thanks for your thoughts.
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This is my X-wife
except she never put the knife away! Got the scars to prove it. I was really getting into this till the part about the knife! Very nice write! The Shaker
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Thank you for your super comments. Hope you're recovered from your ex. She must've been ferocious!
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Promise...sing
Kudos for the ultimate ku though perhaps the overall effect might possibly be enhanced if the words danced to tune as subliminal rhyme sublime
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Thank you for your comments. I think you might be right about the tune.
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Great write. Good luck!
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Thank you for your good wishes!
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