conversation
the rain falls outside
like judgment,
knocking the roof with
a thousand fists
until it finally caves and buries me with it.
I'm sure
it was all the plan
of a higher power,
to kill me off before I lit everyone's fire
and we came running
quick as wolves,
like carnivores sensing flesh nearby,
like mosquitoes
tasting blood in the air,
to burn the clouds from the sky
like they were the eyes
that we claimed
watched us for nineteen years solid
and always held their gaze.
today,
I stare back.
my eyes burn and begin to tear
but I won't give in,
I won't let something nonexistent
sting so bad and dig so deeply
into my skin.
you say moving home is just a flesh wound
and I'll recover, eventually,
but
it's so much more
than bread and blood and heart;
I'll have to bury
my skeletons, my pills
out back
and hope that I can pull them up
later
like weeds
because I don't want to be caught
hoarding people
or my emotions,
they are forever mine
no matter the circumstance.
Author notes
i'll talk to anyone, anything.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~A little bit of edge~ by sailor ptolema.
1575 points, ended July 22, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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and I'll recover, eventually,
but
it's so much more
than bread and blood and heart;
I'll have to bury
my skeletons, my pills
out back
and hope that I can pull them up
Was this edgy. Yes.
Was this another gorgeous example of what poetry should be? Oh yes.
Did I worship its sagging rooftops and love it to pieces? Oh HELL yes.
Marvelous, precious.
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congrats love!
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"sting so bad and dig so deeply">>should be 'badly' yea; I know; it's nit picky
.....ummm on second though. scratch what I sad 
...having 2 adverbs close together is weird lol
I loved this; I love the stark and blunt quality. I love that it's personal..(this also makes me sad
) I love that you didn' just write about the photo!
"I'll have to bury
my skeletons, my pills
out back
and hope that I can pull them up
later
like weeds">>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Holy Dior! Fabulously powerful. Hit me like a sock full of bricks!
THANK YOU for entering my contest and g'luck!
to the finals for you JP
~Meghie
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The first verse was my favourite, mainly because it was so dark and just had so much going on. The use of 'carnivores' and 'mosquitoes' made it that much darker and face paced, I really liked that. I adore how these two fit together (well in my mind anyway) the second verse is like the after thought, and it's sort of soothing if not very sad and very familiar. I love the sort of sadness in it as well as determination maybe?
you're fabulous.
<3
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this is fucking great, but the ending is weird for me
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you gotta 'splain weird man. to me it could be a good or bad thing haha.
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idk it just felt like a weird way of ending it
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i added more.
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now i like it
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i loved wuved labhed it!!
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i want you to hate something of mine!! so bad!!!
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one fine day when the grass will be no more blue and the sky will be no more green
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I like the lines in regards to "I'll bury my skeletons, my pills out back and hope I can pull them up later like weeds". There are so many things we wish we could bury to retrieve later - those "skeletons".
The "lttle bit of edge" in this is easily seen. Each time I come to your poetry, I find myself looking at at LEAST a few of the verses and how they tie into the next - always wishing I could get that same kind of edginess.
As strong as ever ...
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to that first part of your comment--EXACTLY. and thanks for stopping by love. i was worried i was going a little soft!
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