I'll be a lush by then
or asleep, beside sacked
dreams and cloths of linen
attempting
justifying
or just lying there
moments of plain white,
a mind whirring
a carnival wheel
of painted horses
and artificial faces
every poem, phrase,
all your words
with silent minutes
between
slide up a golden rod
like deck quoits
they are your rings
around my neck
your hands on my skin
inconceivable
that here
I am frayed coils
an inflection
in your voice
there
she is Damascus,
your Jerusalem
all the martyrs
you might know me
as the palm frond
or the carousel you rode
when the complications
came in nickel and dimes
the choices were
to get on
or stop
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I could see this somewhere in a text book where right before it would say something to the effect of, "Here is an example of poetry in its finest moment. Decipher this, break it down, form your own style, and if you truly have the awareness to see the genius behind this piece than you can pen something brilliant as well"
Bravo Chez!
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Such literary commentary my love lol you make me blush, this is only what quiet moments bring when you are there and I am here
just thinking of distance and love 
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"your Jerusalem"
Wouldn't that be saying "You are Jerusalem"...which would make it "you're" with the whole apostrophe.
"a carnival wheel
of painted horses
and artificial faces"
OH MY GOD I'm in a theme park now in my imagination, & that's awesome.
BTW, horses are effing cute!!
"with silent minutes
between"
NICE.
"you might know me
as the palm frond
or the carousel you rode
when the complications
came in nickel and dimes"
Holy hell, I love this entire stanza.."palm frond" is groovy and nature-y and the metaphor is just...awesome and cleverly constructed.
"the choices were
to get on
or stop"
WOW....amazing conclusion...and it came from your brain w/o a prompt
Awesomeawesomeawesome
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lol Jess I do write poetry quite often without prompts lol and 'your Jerusalem' is meant as 'she is' his Jerusalem..his holy city get it?? lol Oh you young 'un's!! hehehe
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Oh shit I rated your comment 4 stars...sorry, I'll fix that. =[
Yes, I get it now, Patronizing...Older Sister.
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but I lubbers you anyways
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I am amazinly uncomfortable reading this; not erudite or discerning enough of the arcane message. It reminds me of trying to get adhesive off of fingers after a chore. You can pick it off, or let time wear it away.
Have you read my "fortune cookie?" It addresses the struggle to stay content. -
Always choices...we make them for better or worse it seems...you have done it again with beautiful flow and metaphor...the imagery is wonderful and paints the scene so clear...excellent work.
. Rewarded 4
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"The choices were to get on or stop"....This is powerful. Love, Lane
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Very good.
Yes, very good poem, Cheryl, The set out was lucid and artistic.
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Powerful piece. Carousel wheels turning on the streets of Jerusalem and finding only loose nickels and dimes after the music stops.
If my choices are either to get on or stop, then let this baby ride on. (grin)
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Yes!
Such lovely layers ... your clue lines are so damn gritty ... " complications came in nickel and dimes"
This is another piece that reminds me why we have poetry.
. Rewarded 4
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lol also reminds us why love can be so damn confusing lol C
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Impressive!
this was an intriguing piece that
speaks in mysterious tones of engagement.
In other words there is much more here
than meets the eye. You obviously had a
lot to say to this person. I really enjoyed
it. You have a distinct way with words.
Great writing
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I don't know what to say!!! You have me cying now!!! 
this was just so full of emotion sissy.. brought tears to my eyes.. I really loved this and somehow feel like I can relate to it.. bravo sissy.. lubbers you!♥
Angel
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Awww sissy don't cry lol...it is emotionally draining this one, sigh...been a blah night lol but I'll be fine and so will you...lubbers you back
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