I offered you a flower, it came with love from me
I placed it in a garden where it grew wild and free
I sailed upon a river with feathers of pure white
You watched me in that moment as I put wings to flight.
I sent the sun to warm you and lighten darker days
I gave a light to guide you and help you through the Maze
I put a chair before you to sit and take your rest
You took them without thinking, I did my very best.
I painted you a portrait, a landscape of the free
I watched as you walk past it but still you didn't see
I hope your eyes will open before it is too late
You have a single lifetime and so for now I'll wait.
A contest entry
- just the drawings... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended August 1, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very nice
Excellent as alway Ros
"BOO"
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Humm..really a thougt dipped verse with a beauty of the soul....well done and my thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece in my contest...
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Awesome!
This was very emotional for me because
i've experienced this from the other side.
I was in a relationship where my mate did
all these things you mentioned for me.
I cared for her alot but wasn't in love
with her. So many of the kind and wonderful
things she did for me was "Lost in Translation."
A most wonderful write that speaks to my heart
deeply. You did a wonderful job here.
Hoping the best for you and yours
P.S. If this is real then you need to talk to him.
. Rewarded 8
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well
Another gem my friend with the usual perfect rhyme and words of wisdom to be heard.
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Very good. Its flows well without a single catch. The rhyme is incredable well done without seeming the slightest bit forced. There really is nothing more to say than that it is a great poem and I'm proud of you.
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Nice contest entry. It scans beautifully & you have kept the rhyme scheme throughout effortlessly. I think it is brave in any poem to keep repeating a pronoun, sometimes you can get away with it. You have done it here admirably & it gives the poem its essential form. The last line is a nice twist with the pronoun change suddenly putting it into the accusative. Great subject matter as well, I understand the idea of being misunderstood, like an inaccurate translation or a communication breakdown. Very good.
. Rewarded 8
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Lovely, the rhyme scheme was effortless and flowed very smoothly dear, what a delight to read!
All the best,
Love and peace always,
mj.
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