Tired of the hurt
Sick of the pain
Horrifying feelings
In my soul that remains
The life you've drained
The tears that I've shed
While you moved on,
my heart only bled.
You say that you love me
And for me you're there
But none of that's true
You don't even care.
All that you've done,
and all that you've put me through
Your cruelty and anger,
can't change what's true.
You never loved me
but I've always loved you
Author notes
my first thing ive ever wrote :-S tell me what you think!!
A contest entry
- Enter Your Best Poem Here, ONE WINNER TAKES ALL by echo-ink.
725 points, ended August 8, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Never Had A trophy by piccola.
430 points, ended August 20, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This time I'm going to WIN!!! by darlintlc.
900 points, ended August 30, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life by Kal-El.
650 points, ended August 26, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...4 by Luckintheshadows.
470 points, ended September 3, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Three Years of Growth by bloved.
1450 points, ended October 12, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All 13 an Under Deep Poets Prt. 2 by Medina Regal.
700 points, ended October 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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An amazing write!!! i can really relate to this!!!
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That's amazing. Especially for the first poem you've written. it's rather sad too.
I'd love to see you write more! There's alot of emotion here and that's awesome. Just write what you feel...what ever comes to you. If it comes from the heart it will be great.
QK
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I like this one
Very talented for your first poem
Great job!
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first and only
lol. and thanks a lot
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You should write more often!
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whenever i try, i get rly frustrated with what i come up with
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Don't sweat it, just write who you are.
It shouldn't take so much thought as soul,
try not to think about the hooks and rhymes and just let it flow out. You can edit later, and it will feel much more real than if you just write with a set intention in mind.
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thnx
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good job i like this poem it's really good i can definitely relate to it i feel these problems alot but i guess it's common at my age (lol we're both the same age) but anyways keep writing
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Very strong feelings expressed here..i think that everyone goes through this at least once in their life, for some people its more difficult to move on...
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This is amazing for a first time write!!!! I loved the emotion and sincerity behind your words. Great job!!!
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Very good with great emotion.
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thank you
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Sounds sad. Keep writing!
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lol i deal with it...
thanx
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omg, this is beautiful, absolutely love it!!
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thanks
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wow this was good.
i like it
i aint gonna disqualify you (Damn!) lol
i dont have anything to complain bout (wonder what it looked like before bloved helped ya)
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lol thanx
lol she helped w/ the grammar n the stanza separation
thanx bloved! lol
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Wonderful
Very well expressed. A terrific creation. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thanks! i appreciate it!!!
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LOVE IT!!! sorry i havent read it sonner.
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Lol thanx i thought u had read it b4:-/ lol
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well i have read it before. memeber you showed it to me? but never before on here and i ever commented on it or anything which is something a best friend should do! lol. *Hugs*
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O lol
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Lovely! Fantastic release of emotion in a wonderfully flowing poem. For a first poem this is awesome, and something that I think alot of readers (myself included) can really relate to. Thanks for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
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thanx!!!
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Nice rhyme and it flowed very easily!!
It has strong emotions in it of loving someone and them not loving you back.
Thanks for entering
darlintlc
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thanx so much!!
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Nice rhyme. I'd love to see it divided into stanzas though to make the rhyme stronger. Thank you for entering.
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You never loved me
but Ive always loved you.
I believe that was the most signifigant part of the poem, and the best part of it as well. It was a very detailed piece, with some imagery and lots of emotion. For your first piece I think you're off to an beautiful start. Keep on doin what you doin
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thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Good write. I loved the imagery you used. You might want to check your grammar and stuff. I enjoyed reading this poem. You might want to use stanzas too. 1-8 should be a stanza. 9-12 should be a stanza. then the lines after that should be a stanza.
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thanx
I need all of the help i can get, so thanks 4 taking some time to comment!!
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thats interesting, good luck
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Great write, and sad to say, true so often. good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
PL
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Thanks glad u liked it!!
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WOW!
this is good.... i am new at this to maybe you can read some of my stuffand help me out and i will help you out... i love the part "You never loved me
but Ive always loved you". -ashley -
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really?! awesome ill check it out tomorro
thanx 4 the luv
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wow great job discribes evrything i felt. keep it up!! xD
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thanks!!
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i luv the lines
your cruelty and anger
cant change wats tru
u never loved me
but ive always loved you
so tru at many time -
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thank u
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It's Great!!
This is ab-so-lute-ly wonderful
Great emotion
Well written
Amazing!!!
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thanx!!!
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FANTASTIC!! it's a wonderful write, lots of emotions and i can totally feel it. it reminds me of something i went through. good write! keep it up.
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thanx so much!!!!!
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I like it. Totally sweet.
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much thanks
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I love it. Its so sweet. I can definately relate to this. There is always that one guy that you have emotion for but then he plays it out and hurts u in the end...But as for the other comments (sorry I.c.) I think the ending was perfect. any more lines would have messed up the final message of "your cruelty and anger can't change what's true you never loved me but I've always loved you" I think it was a great endid. congrats on ur 1st write!
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thanks!!!!
it was def. personal lol
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not bad
For your first attempt this is pretty good stuff! this however reminds me of a short roller coaster, seems like you build all this momentum, then all of a sudden it comes to a crashing hault. Maybe this was your intended purpose,I don't know, but I can make a suggestion on how you can fix it. Just add a few more lines before the finish, but once again you may have planned it to be this way. So I cannot be so quick to judge, but this writing is not bad at all for your first attempt keep writing and take care!
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thanks i hadnt really planned anything on it, it just kinda came to me lol. always open 4 opinions
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