I yearn for you like ocean for moon,
magnetized
I will turn the world to roaring chaos
just to roll a little closer to your bright beams.
My current responds to your irresistible pull,
pleasure and pain rise and fall with tide.
My soul is yours to command.
Laugh with me, I'm a smooth summer evening.
Look on with scorn, I'm a wild tsunami
Author notes
Sarah957
What does this make you feel? Anything too repetitive?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was really nice metaphorical writing...I liked the passion beneath the images you've created. The ending had punch as well. But I almost stopped reading immediately because of the typo in the first line. "I year for you?" I'm assuming you meant "I yearn for you." Fix that little error and you'll get more comments, I'm sure.
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Excellent
So very well done. A great expression and very creative. Thank you for sharing
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So much deep feeling is felt in this piece and the imagery is lovely. I can relate to it and so I feel connected, I understand that current and how that which pulls you can make you feel sweet and gentle and warm, and yet angry, near vengeful and violent in a second.
Love is volitile (volatile) haha but those moments of pure peace are worth anything.
Best wishes. -
Rushed
I felt the beauty and passion of the piece but felt it was rushed. When I wrote a lot I often rushed a piece just to have written something.Thanks for the thoughts and words -
Oh wow, what a pretty write, and yet someone is in for a dumping when the tsunami maks landfall. Lovely (thank you)
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