Dedicated to Nancy (Mattelois) for inspiring this escapade!
Mr & Mrs Twee decided they would go to church,
Their vicar waiting in pulpit perch!
The Twee's all dressed up in Sunday best,
They had to be a cut above the rest.
Mrs Twee with toffee nose up in the air,
Waltzed down the aisle to a pew,
To a front place amongst chosen few,
But peace was not to be found there....
For a child who didn't like Mrs Twee,
Because she was so toffee nosed and snobby,
Decided to water pistol her posh new coat,
The little torment was into acting the goat!
Mrs Twee was not at all amused,
Verbalizing her disdain un-diffused!
The child thought that was such jolly fun,
Knowing he had riled her some!
The only front pew to have was near the child,
The child planning more mischief smiled!
Out came his peashooter and bag of peas,
Target, the hat of Mrs Twee's!
The child pelted in successive fire,
One pea after another with force so dire!
Mrs Twee's hat was covered in peas,
All around the brim he was a tease!
Mr Twee told the child to 'pack it in',
But in doing so disturbed the vicar, what a sin!
Mrs Twee gave the child a filthy look,
The child's father some offense took....
The child's father was a burley fighting man,
He shoved the Twee's with fist like a lump of ham!
The child decided to pelt Mrs Twee's hat with a conker or two,
Which knocked her hat into the floor of the pew!
Mrs Twee bent down to pick up her hat,
The child deposited upon her seat, some cow pat,
His stocks of mischief and tools so plenty,
In fact I think, something like twenty!
Twenty different things to use on Mrs Twee,
How mischievous can you be!?
Mrs Twee sat down in the cow pat,
Just how disgusting, is that!
Mrs Twee stood up and let out a yell,
Her anger now boiling and impossible to quell,
Mr Twee was into a fight with the child's Dad,
And he too was hopping mad!
The child decided more was to come,
And deposited in Mrs Twee's pocket some sticky gum,
Gum he has first off chewed then spatt out,
Gee did this make Mrs Twee shout!
The vicar ordered the fighting to stop,
Now he was angry and on the hop,
The mess the child and Twee's had made in his church,
Forcing the Vicar off his pulpit perch!
Mrs Twee had cow pat all over her posh coat,
Sticky gum in her pocket and peas on her hat - go gloat!
The child's father had ripped Mr Twee's mackintosh,
And punched him in the face with his fist like a kosh!
The parishioners sat with disgust on faces,
An appropriate way to behave, in such Godly places,
The mess was getting out if hand,
But the child had more kinds of mischief planned!
The Vicar marched the Twee's and their opponents out,
He could take no more with out a doubt!
But in the church yard the child ran amok,
He threw lumps of soil at Mrs Twee's frock!
Mrs Twee tried to chase the child away,
But tripped and fell into a mound of soil and clay!
Now she was covered from head to foot,
Whilst Mr Twee sustained another head butt,
From the child's father, who could see no wrong,
In his child's behaviour, a very rough throng!
The Twee's were irate and it showed,
The child and his father easy to goad...
Could not avoid continuing the scrap,
The poor Vicar was in a flap,
His Sunday Service ruined for sure,
The Twee's were targeted even more.
A parishioner called the local police,
The affray was now set to increase,
The child hell bent on mischief had more,
A banana skin saw Mrs Twee fall to the floor.
The police arrived in a riot van,
Assumed Mrs Twee was drunk and threw her in,
Into their van went Mrs Twee,
Followed by the Mr Twee, for all to see!
But the child and his father were also taken,
To the local police station,
The Twee's accused the child of starting the fight,
Likewise did the child and his father but who was right?
The police decided to impose charges on all,
They needed the court to decide the culprit of the brawl!
The Twee's were mortified at the thought,
Of having to appear before magistrates in the local court !
Their reputation was now in tatters,
Like that is the only thing that matters!
To say nothing of their ruined clothes and hats,
And the ruination of a church service alas!
It seems that the Twee's are safe nowhere,
Now they consider that life isn't fair,
For they were dealt another cruel blow,
When the court said they should better know!
And the result was that they got a criminal record,
Fined some money and given an ASBO order, at which they roared,
This isn't right, please you are not right in this,
They commenced to shouting at the magistrate a diss!
This afforded them a contempt of court,
The penalty was a spell in prison and a lesson taught,
Now the Twee's were reduced to local jail birds,
The way they felt was beyond all words!
How could these two posh people keep face,
Now they had been reduced to such disgrace?
Their names and photos all over the papers,
Exposing their now outlandish capers!
They cannot even go to church to pray,
How could such a disaster befall their Twee Sunday?!
Not safe let out without a police escort!
Fighting in church and tut tut, then landing in court!
Copyright Kazytc 2008
Author notes
Entered in several contests including:
Contest Pre-Writes from my Faves!!!! by PerfectImperfection
Mr & Mrs Twee Goes to Church = My chosen Poem
JUly 2008
It would seem that the Twee's are not even safe going to Church....did think that might be the case e'h Nancy!?
I have written a series of poems about Mr & Mrs Twee, which are based on the hit UK TV series "Keeping Up Appearances" featuring the fictional characters of Hyacinth Bouquet and her long suffering husband Richard Bouquet Onslo and Daisy.
No offence is meant to senior persons in any of these poems, as they are purely based on the TV series.
In a list
- Mr & Mrs Twee Poems • next in list
- Serious & Satirical By Dr Karen J Stevens PhD • next in list
- Humour • next in list
A contest entry
- anything & prewites by whos my humblepie.
600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP's Best Prewrites by lowercase prelude.
800 points, ended July 22, 2008, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITTEN POEMS!!!!! by kavi22.
450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your favorite Prewrite by SignifyingNothing.
875 points, ended August 9, 2008, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Sob Of Laughter LOLOLOLOL by HugsForEveryone.
600 points, ended August 13, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry, Poetry and PreWrites! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended September 13, 2008, 340 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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funny
I know the bucket show
this is a very funny story,
dealing with church your \talkking about the treasurer of the church and the collection basket this is so true
someone can steal from the baaket and mock what someone wears in church
I used to be in choir alot of argument were fought about choir , i could wwrite my own poem or epic about it
this poem borought back thiese feelings
good job getting me to remember
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haha really enjoyed this, reminds me off mischief me and my brother used to get up to when we were small,
although my dad would ground us for ever if he caught us lol.
a great read well done xx
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Awww Thanks millions, for your fab and kind review you are
very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it and found it funny! I am still getting up to pranks now at 51! But then I am a trainee Geriatric Juvenile delinquent and growing old disgracefully blaming my antics on early senility!
Best of luck in all of your contests, hope you win Gold in
them all.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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haha you seem my kinda freind then, 'trainee geriatric juvenile delinquent' how funny!!
i'm not far off, well so my kids would say anyway lol.
keep up the good work and stay happy always xx -
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Wow thanks!
Gee love your AP name! Thanks for the lovely encouraging and inspiring comment! Glad you liked my poem!
You seem my kinda friend too!
My daughter has me down for an imminent 'wooden overcoat' wouldn't mind but at 51 I am hardly one foot in the grave and I am not even ill... least I don't think so.. perhaps she knows something I don't!
My daughter asks if they wrote on slates when i went to school, makes me feel ancient, Geeze I have all but given hope on getting to be a 'zimmer racer' before I get planted!
See:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4437471
If I get that far seems I will be lucky!
Hope you do even if I don't!
Meanwhile best of luck in all your poems and hope you win gold for them all! Great to meet you!
Poetic Hugs & Thanks Millions,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Thanks millions!
Thanks millions, for your fab and kind review you are very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz.
Kazytc XX
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Again you have penned an awesome tale. The slight change in the rhyme scheme (stance 2) did throw me a little but nothing major, stunning work hunni, thanks for entering and good luck
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This had some really funny moments in it. Watch forced rhyme though. Cute, overall. Maybe if I get time I'll check out more in the series.
Thanks for entering! -
Mrs Twee stood up and let out a yell,
Her anger now boiling and impossible to quell,
Mr Twee was into a fight with the child's Dad,
And he too was hopping mad!
your flow and rhyme was great
love this part the best
could hear them doing this
and in church too -
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Thanks Millions!
Thanks millions, for your fab and kind review you are
very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it. Yes it was such fun to write too, and I imagine the whole saga vividly which made it more fun again to write, I do love writing on these two characters! Glad you found that my poem animated them for you! Thanks for that.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz.
Kazytc XX
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Great poem. It went on for a long time but was able to keep my attention all the way through as I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Definitely a humorous piece, and a story that could have been a number of people I've known (both the Twee's and the boy.)
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Thanks Millions!
Thanks millions, for your fab and kind review you are
very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz.
Kazytc XX
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Very cute and funny. i really enjoyed this. It's a great piece. Scoring: Creativity 10/10, emotion 20/20, structure 10/10, wording 15/15, overall it's a perfect 55! You're moving on and I will stay in contact with you to let you knwo when the next round is. thank you
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Very cute and funny. i really enjoyed this. It's a great piece. Scoring: Creativity 10/10, emotion 20/20, structure 10/10, wording 15/15, overall it's a perfect 55! You're moving on and I will stay in contact with you to let you knwo when the next round is. thank you and good luck!
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I'm still laughing!!! This is a wonderfully funny story. I loved it.
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Thanks Millions!
Thanks millions, for fab and kind review you are
very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz
Kazytc XX
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hahahahah i couldnt stop laughing!!! i could see the video played out in my mind!!! it was absolutely great... mazing write it was hilarios and it never disapointed!!!! you have a gift with words... keep this talkent up
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Thanks Millions!
Thanks millions, for fab and kind review you are
very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz
Kazytc XX
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