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Back in the Day

I miss the days of
innocence
of playing in the dirt
i miss the days of sunlight
those filled with laughter
not hurt
i miss the days
when money was all fake
oh how long ago
that stopped when i was eight
i miss the neightbors
playing hide and seak
now it's turned to drugs
just watching them all tweak
i miss the days when fighting
was only on the swings
now fighting has turned to shooting
giving angels wings
i miss the way it was
when i was four or five
when instead of wanting to die
kids where all alive

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    July 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree!!!!!

    This is exactly what I was looking for, as far as themes go.

    I do wish you used a bit of punctuation and capitalization.

    For instance, "i" should ALWAYS be capitalized. A few commas, inserted where there is naturally a pause when you're reading out loud, would really give the poem something extra.

    Good entry. Let me know if you revise.

    Thanks for entering and good luck!


    • Dygurl
      July 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much i'm glad you liked it.

      as far as punctuation, i could put it in there for you, but that wouldn't truely be my writing, i feel poetry should have a natural pause if the reader doesn't know where the pause is the poem probably isn't very good, and as for "I" when i write its all about feeling not about macanics, not that i don't pay attention to spelling . Hope it doesn't ruine my chances, but that is my style. THanks so much for the comment. good luck judging.