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~Stained Glass Window~

Stained glass window


Looking back on my life
somehow it wasn't me.
Peering out a stained-glass window
vibrant memories I now see.

Yearing for cascades of light
good people of long ago.
Shining through my empty heart
most, no longer know.

My little brother, small and sweet
playing in sun's smoldering heat.
Play once more, wish I could
Now long past, then I would.

Little faces, friends from before
Where are they? I Implore.
Hiding out, Can't catch me
sneaking behind shaded memory.


Grandma's house miss it much.
Piano playing, lightest touch.
Family together, miss that now.
Growing apart, leaving somehow.

Savoured memories tough as glass
looking inside my stained past.
To go back, wish I were
Today's tomorrow still a blur.

Author notes

THIS IS A POEM ABOUT THINGS I MISS FROM MY CHILDHOOD.  IT'S SOMETIMES SOBERING TO REFLECT ON SUCH TIMES WITH MY FAMILY AND OLD CHILDHOOD FRIENDS.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • K-9
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There are so many "if only" times in life. I can understand the desire to return to simpler times and enjoy the comfort to be found there that we overlooked while living it. After reading your comments, I see that the structure of this was done for a purpose. The only thing I might add in response is that the grammatically incorrect format does tend to make the rhyme sound forced. Just an observation. Good luck in the contest!
    ~woof *dog


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    July 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful entry... truly about the things you miss. Reminded me of my list of things I miss.

    I do wish you would take off the caps lock. I find poetry in all caps to be a bit... distracting and annoying. It's like you're shouting throughout the entire poem.

    The last two lines also seem a bit awkward:
    "To go back, wish I were.
    Todays' tomorrow still a blur"

    "I were" does not make sense here because it is not grammatically correct. Maybe if you said "Going back, wish I were" - that would be more correct.

    Good entry. Thanks for entering and good luck.


    • nickkiwick
      July 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thanks for your constructive critisism on this. I know the caps might make it sound that way so I think I might just change that. However the "To go back, wish I were" really is saying in a present tense that I wish I were going back to that time again, whereas if I were to say "Going back, wish I were it would loose the context of what I'm saying. Also, the whole poem is not really written in grammatically correct form anyway. As you may have noticed it's shortenend sentences are cut that way to make an impression on the reader. Thank you for your honest opinion it is appreciated