Children chase the sun
and listen to cicadas around campfires
talking about ghosts hidden in their eyes
and boarding midnight trains
to the moon
Whispers of grandmothers threading the universe
on blankets, to comfort the cold soul
during winters when they hide
from the world,
eating cookies and dreaming
about lying on the sky
with the sun as a pillow
Around the campfire children chant
about apples full of sunsets and smiles;
picking autumnal ashes from flowers
and inhaling the rain that fell,
children bask in God's afterglow
under the dreaming tree
A contest entry
- What Do You Miss? by Auburn Sunrise.
600 points, ended August 3, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Wow...there's so much to appreciate about this poem. I like it...a lot. ^.^
This is great - you nailed the subject matter as if it were nothing, seemingly with ease. You had me awestruck with certain words and phrases, namely "boarding midnight trains to the moon," "threading the universe," "lying on the sky"...simply awesome. The line "apples full of sunsets and smiles" let me to the thought that pure joy is found in the simplest delights. Powerful ending, too...
...What else can I say? Excellent job! Good luck in the contest! ^_^
--Flare
o}--{=======>
-
This was a very cool poem! There were so many lines in it that grabbed me. For example: "talking about ghosts hidden in their eyes". Part of the myth surrounding dragons is that they can hypnotize you. I remember back one summer when I encountered one of those giant moths on the window screen. I looked into its eyes, glowing in the faint light, and understood about the dragons. The look in that moth's eyes was one that just drained all other thoughts from my head. Your ending line was my favorite. It wrapped it up nicely and brought the whole thing together as a poem and for the theme of the contest. Good luck in that, by the way!
~woof
"Standing here
The old man said to me
Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree"
--Dave Matthews, The Dreaming Tree
-
Beautiful, just stunning. This is a most powerful poem. "Lying on the sky with the sun as a pillow." I am there now, as I was there then so long ago.
Thanks.
Garrison
-
Gorgeous! A wonderful first entry.
I love the ending line especially "under the dreaming tree".
I miss those days, too. I am just amazed at how imagistic this poem is, and how deeply metaphorical. Beautiful write.
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
'Children chase the sun' A really great start. I can visualize it.
'Whispers of grandmothers threading the universe' beautifully metaphorical and I LOVE it.
COOOKIES! *Hungers*
Interesting. your ending actually feels like a positive outlook on religion instead of a negative one. Unusual in itself for you. It was also very abstract, I love it. 'Afterglow' is such a great word too. Really brilliant! Your style is changing I notice. Cool.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
