Preditor's handbook

You know it's hit when you don't think of anytihng but. You are the victim. They hate you and you haven't done one thing wrong. You eat, what are they eating? You think your'e sleeping but you're not. They still run through you, but you just can't feel it as much. You dream of them, you wake up and you can smell them. You would make them happy. You are actually going crazy. They need to know that you are there, not that you are watching but that you exist. It's healthy and everyone does it. Walk past their house late at night, no problem. Satisified. Walk past them everyday. You can't run, you will see that I am here.

You get dressed, what are they wearing? You watch a film, what was the last film they watched? You can't be in the place that you are, you need them, you leave and find them, except your'e not going to look for them because you know exactly where they are at 15.23 on a tuesday afternoon. They same place they are at the same time on fridays. And at the exact same time on mondays but walking past a different building. Favourtie colour: oragne. Post code: PE2 7YD. Number plate on partents car: RE03XF2, colour of car: green. Perfume worn: Burberry. Shops at new look. You know where their friends live but you don't know their friends. You are always right, you can't help but talk about them. They are beautiful and you belong together, they just can't see it yet. Follow them again. Your heart beats in their name. For without them you're life is not valid in the eyes of reason. You have no place and you do not need to be free as this is your reason. Watch them dig your grave.

Now you realise that this is not working, and there is something wrong with them, they obvioulsy have problems beyond repair. You have tried convinceing them over the phone and to their face. "Why don't you like me" you are perfect in your view and can not see what you have been doing wrong. Can't sleep. Carve their name into your arm. A mistake. "instead of stressed you lie here charmed". No. Your diary is coved in red pen. Their name only apreas in red and is mentioned 48 times. You can't talk to anybody about this. Noone understands. Time to go for a walk, the park. They'll be along any miniute, what a conincedence. You see them from a distence, you have studied that walk in your sleep. You can read their expression, you know what mood they are in before they say a word and even if you couldn't you could feel it. You study that when you're not imagining what to get them for their birthday in 11 months and 6 days time. You think about that all day. You know what they got yesterday and you know what they want but it's a tough desision. The thought keeps you going for weeks. You write about it and naturally you dream about it. You dream of saving them from robberies and rape. They are greatful and forever in your debt. Such dreams lead you into the most satisifing of sleeps and you never wake up, they are forever in your debt, they don't realise how strong the bond between you is and they too need the bond and the worst thing is that they are always in denial. Time is the only cure and the most painful of healers. It makes you sick when someone mentions their name, so you sink into them again. You know that they think of you as much as you think of them and you are convinced that they need more. How much can you give? Answer: As much as it takes.

Is obsession over rated? You do not know because you are not obsessed you are just commited. Against your will. Withoit remorse. You do the things you do because it makes sense in your head, they join the those dots to your heart. Which twists instead of beats when you do not know their whereabouts. Their exact location. Is possession over rated? Answer: You do not knoe because you are not possessive, you just don't like them being happy when they are in the presence of somone that is not you. When you see them unexpectitdly you begin to shake as everything is thought out, planned. Every encounter is premeditated, carefully. Your mind is never on standby. If they turn up when you are not expecting anything you want to cry. They effect you in the worst way. That is when you hate them. When you want to kill them, when you are not in control, when you don't control them. Too much of this and you swear you will kill them. You begin to shake and have to get away. You scrape their name into every peice of paper you see. No rest until you make an addition to the scar on your arm. The sirname. You prey that they can feel how much damage you have done to yourself, you know they can because you are connected. You cry yourself to sleep and the dreams have finally turned to nightmares. They hate you back and are not afraid to show it.

Tourmented, you continue to walk past their house. Create another lie to be there. Poems of hatred and murder escape onto paper. You want to post them through their door. Resistance. You force yourself to keep this a secret. Restless now you remain. You dream of them appologising, begging to stay friends. They want you back. You dream of saying 'no'. Epic scenes take your imagination by storm. Fight scenes mainly. But you always give in. You never strike back. You are the victim. You're proberbly heavily bruised and cut but you beg for forgivness, you think this will mkae them happy. And that would make you happy. You havn't felt one real emotion since this started. But you don't mind. This is all you know and you never get bored. It's as fresh in your head as it was when it started, 9 months, 1 weeks, 3 days and 5 hours ago. Keeping track is normal, everybody does it. You are slipping into decline but don't even realise. Hair product: moose. Hight: 5ft7"...