Don't you say a word
I don't want to hear what you say
I just drank too much water
Before exercising today
I'll change my clothes and run
I'll travel a mile or two
My arms will be much smaller
By the time I'm through
Well son of a gun do you see
I haven't lost an inch
My arms are swollen up tight
There's no where you can pinch
Well I guess I'll take a diuretic
To see what progress I can make
Don't leave me in the rest room alone
Taking that pill, was a big mistake
Author notes
I chose #C.
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt Choice by HolyMan28.
550 points, ended July 18, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Say what you think
Comments
-
Thank you VERY much for your entry!
Negatives first:
- In the first stanza the syllables don't match up right, which hurts the flow.
- Same in the third..
- Omitting the comma in the final line would help the flow.
Positives
This is a very humorous poem! I love how you don't reveal how the character got to how he is until the very final line. It was a shocker! I also like how you chose it to be a son talking to a mother, in a confessional type way.
Very nice work.
Adding your comment:
