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Blind



the world
all it holds
and my saliva
stringy
left hanging on
edge of your mouth

no Bible told us
sex was the worm
of an apple
and I could squirm
in
  out
    around you

it was never safe
it was perfect
to be the rib
God left out
floating
a missionary position
underneath
subservient

until braille became
something fingers touched











Author notes

"All of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways;
I don't like it.
It's good to be in love."

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 21 of 21
  • the third fourth and fifth stanzas were so great. i kept re-reading those over and over. this is going to be a hard contest to judge...thanks for entering

  • Weltt
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    I think you may already know my thoughts on this one. This is stunning Chez. Definately in my top five from you. Just wow!




  • Kedris
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Amazing imagry and complex emotions going on here. I here both the "we doing this, damn the consequences" and the "must submit to another's will". that same mixed message we get about sex in the bible, most religious sources and society, ironically.
    Fantastic write, well done!

    . Rewarded 6


  • PageTurner
    July 19

    Edit | Reply


    Thank God for Braile I Love the ending...




    ...and your Wonderful Words!
    ...and You, my Friend!!

    ~ Nicky♥

    . Rewarded 4

  • Very interesting....I understand where you coming from

  • onerios13
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    no Bible told us
    sex was the worm
    of an apple
    and I could squirm
    in-
    out-
    around you


    This was just gorgeous...the descriptions, the light almost wistful emotions that poured out like fresh spring water from some mystic well.

    I was about to enter this contest but after reading this and Nik's, I'm startin' to get skerred!

    But yeah. This sang. Loved it.


    • Cannonsfire silver member
      July 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much but reading your pieces I don't think you have to be scared lol I just love yours C

  • Swan song gold member
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    This was stunning bold unafraid just like a lover many men dream of


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    .. now what can I say to this write?! this was just so wonderful! the imagery and flow of this was perfect! I really loved it! you did a wonderful job best of luck!!


    Angel
  • Wow

    I feel inadequate to even comment on this write... such deep thought and brilliance here hun!!


  • Superb

    I rather like this one, although I don't quite know what to say about it, except one question: Is there a wee touch of irony, in this write? Again, very well written.
  • The title made me think different before I read it. I didn't think it would have as much imagery or be just about this. I just love how you put two different forms of poetry...well, in ways, tags...how they seem completely different. v-v yes, it's hard for me to explain, it's a wonderful poem thoug

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply

    There's a lot of imagery going on in this, complex, layered, it could be read as a celebration ...as well as mourning...

    The safety of being Eve... for me that one is ...rich..
    because the inclusion of it suggests that it is otherwise not.. if that makes sense??

    The mix of religious images tied with the physical make this far more than your basic... write, they allude to things ..allowing me to take it in several different ways, .. though for me, many of them are painfully sad..

    And the braille, a perfect image.. ..of distance, life, death, loss, and humanity.. in ways I don't think I could explain..




    • Cannonsfire silver member
      July 18

      Edit | Reply
      In some ways it is personal to the way I once felt, the zealot's wife and you are right love, a celebration but a sadness until someone, somewhere else makes you feel it, after the sensation of being used. Inciteful comment, I appreciate it. Love, C

  • Rowan gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    "it was never safe,
    it was perfect
    to be the rib
    God left out"

    that's a great line. Loved this take, such freedom in it. Just the way it should be.


  • Moqui Takoda
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    this poem uses fairly intense erotic images to evoke a contemplative final three stanzas culminating in the final line ... the line is full of possibilities and is a potent last line .... yes, it is good to be free in some sense, yet there is a moment in time when the freedom or subservience from which great strength and seductive power lies becomes revealed and there is a desire to become a bearer of ones own wings and search

    lines 4,5,6 and the second stanza are probably about as erotic as I have read in a while ...

    this is a brilliant poem and I can't find anything to say except ... sigh

    but the final lines give this an added dimension which I hope you don't put up against anything I have written in a contest, because your poem is totally enchanting

    three turtles love this poem too

1 - 21 of 21