i traced its edge
through deep green fields
over pine tree hills and higher
till it scraped the desolate
snows of nowhere
and still i followed
on through alpine vale
and florid glen and down
jagged canyon ridges past
island mountains that rose
as if from seas of sand
and still i followed
past mesas lined with crows
and sere grass ranges
where lumbering cows rid
the world of diversity
and yet still on
along wide slow rivers filled
with stench fish floating lifeless
on bloated sides and
by pillars of smoke that
chased blue from the skies
and yet still on
through lifeless mountains
painted green to please the eye
past springs that bubbled poison
and wells that oozed dismay
yet still i went
following those faded hues
amid a web of tall marble
monuments each depicting
through stains the long neglected
dreams of liberty
yet still i went
along shores littered with
death where rag-worn poor rake
thin pale fingers through filth
for remnants of life
and finally there in a long
white plaza it ended
all its color drained to sooty
shades of gray that flickered
out from the last remains
of a once great constitution
now but a distant hope for
greater souls to strive toward
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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wonderful use of imagery and also wonderful use of words and vocabulary terrific job thank you for posting this poem
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Thanks for the kudos! Yes this was an interesting poem, from an interesting inspiration--one not normally me.
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Superb Plus
A very fine write, and tribute to the importance of us not losing our Constitutional Rights through our own apathy. Speaking of hope, many years ago, while traveling by car, through Eastern Oregon, with a friend, we saw two complete rainbows one above the other. It was incredible, to say the least. Unfortunately we didn't have a camera. This write, also reminded me of my poem "Lady Justice", I'm not sure if you have read it yet. Here's a link, in case you desire to do so:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5018869 -
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Was it a double-rainbow a double-sundog? I had the unique pleasure once of looking up to see two rainbows at midday during the summer. These were cast against an upper haze of some sort, so they were in closer to the sun than you'd expect. And there were two of them, perfect rings around the sun, visible in their entirety, and vivid as the sun itself. It was difficult to take in the entire double-sundog because of the amount of space it took up in the sky, and because the very bright sun was right in the middle of it. But I was able to follow the unbroken rainbows around the sun by blocking out the sun with my hands and moving me and my hands about so as to follow the bows. One of the coolest things I've ever seen--it was like standing beneath the twin halos of earth.
Glad you enjoyed this, sir. -
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Actually, two complete, regular rainbows, that is what was so ampazing about.
I've seen partial sun dogs in past years.
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I think its the title that drew me in, i dont usually ever read poems about things i would believe to be "happy ones". But when I read the title I thought"god I remember how much I used to love rainbows as a child" So I read this....at first i thought about the journey of following this rainbow, but as i read on i thought (my interpretation) was the idea that i will always be looking for something beautiful and that i may never find it...or maybe i will...thank you for helping me remember myself, when I was more nieve and way less jaded.
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Follow the money, follow the madness. The rainbow was often thought of as leading to the leprechaun's pot of gold off at the far end of the sky. Hence the metaphor. But our American pot of gold has become horribly corrupted.
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lovely
ty for sharing!
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You really do have a talent for create an image in someone elses mind. The imagery and description you use is simpley wonderful and perfect. You are a talented writer and its a pleasure to read your work.
Laura. -
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I don't know about talent. I don't think the ability was there originally. I had to work at its development.
Thank you for reading and for enjoying these two poem, Laura.
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I think this poem is way above me.
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Reach just a bit higher. You can do it!
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Excellent
Hmm...For the most part I found it well written, unless you desire to change some of the phraseology in order to clarify your meaning.
Other than that, well done.
I just re-read this, and it reminded me of a trip from Salt Lake City, Utah to Seattle, Wa. A friend of mine was driving us through the back roads of eastern Oregon, and as we came around a curve in the road, there they were - from horizon to horizen - two full, complete rainbows, one above the other. Of course, we didn't have a camera, yet that stupendous sight is still etched on my mind's eye as I type this note.
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Ah wow your comments are getting even more focused now.
Hmm actually the phraseology is just right. It's meant to be a bit obscure.
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Understand. Hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
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this is great.
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it is a wonder!!! loved it...
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Thanks!
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This is a wonderful piece of work, I love how the words all complimented each other, merged together like delicate spices in an expensive dish, this work has a sumtuous feel to it, and it just melted off my toungue
I find it very interesting, how the rain bow starts its journy in an uplifting way, but by the end, you paint us a picture of desolation
The long neglected Dreams of Liberty
It makes me remember, my dreams when I was young and the world was a blank canvas, before lifes burdens tainted it. A very interesting and creatively satisfying piece
Thankyou
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I tried to depict a metaphor of how the dreams of America started bright and full of hope, and have ended in utter corruption and dismay. I started from the California Valley of the west coast and followed the rainbow east to DC--starting on images of natural wonder and beauty and ending ultimately in images of greed, corruption, and devastation. For a free verse poem, it proved to be pretty challenging.
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Very intresting write!! Great flow and choice of words!!
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Thanks!
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this is amazing
I really like rainbows they always make me happy when i see them makes me smile looking at each color with beauty this is a very great write keep it up
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Glad you enjoyed.
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as i read, i noticed great detail but each time the flow of the poem got disrupted by no rhyme scheme. that threw me off a little. in the fourth stanza i recognized a little bit of rhyme and that helped the flow but i still had trouble with it. you might also want to mention the word rainbow or at least a pot of gold because if someone else read this without reading the title, how could they tell it was a rainbow? other than those, i thought it was really nice with details on how our world is now. great job!
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Well I already responded to this once, but AP went down as I posted it and I lost the text. Don't feel like responding again. Anyway, the rainbow is handled metaphorically, as well as the pot of gold. As for rhyme... It's not a rhyming poem.
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Now, as in a dream, I see
illusion and reality.
The way things are
no more
the way they ought to be.
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There are two pots of gold at the end of the American rainbow. One is the wealth amassed by the common crooks and con-men who currently run our country. The other is the ideals on which our country was founded. The ideas are being destroyed and subverted, and the corruption spreads unchecked.
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I love rainbows!!
RAINBOWS ARE ALWAYS A SYMBOL OF HOPE AFTER A BAD STORMY TIME.THIS IS WHAT I THINK...AND WE MUST BELIEVE THAT LIKE RAINBOWS ,GOOD TIMES ARE NOT FAR AWAY.
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Well they also lead to the pot of gold, right? And the American pot of gold is mired in the most intractable corruption humanity has ever known.
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Zahhar,
Hi! Long time since I've stopped by, had to pull myself together, you know? Anyway, The stark reality of this piece suggests to me, of course, the state of our decaying liberties, now a distant hope to strve towards. Wonderfully written. Also, it hold personal images for me that best left behind. YaHa! Time to begin anew! are you still in Portland, everything the same? How's life? I am well. much love,
Catie
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Glad you liked this one, Catie. And I'm happy you could share with me some of your experience reading it. No I'm not in Portland, and nothing's the same. Everything's different different different.
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Wow! I don't give away too many wows lol...I loved...LOVED the imagery...It brought plenty of emotions out of me...I had to go back and read it aloud..."passed springs that bubbled poison" that line really stuck...You are very talented...and your poem was very inspiring...
-Victoria
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There was something kind of special about this write. It was a blog post at MySpace that inspired it. Originally intended to serve as an example to the use of rainbow imagery. Then I found the poem taking on a life and direction of its own, moving toward the dark, the current, the real.
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apocalyptic visions fill those essences which rage in possibilities...
in which silent tears fall...
leaving one numb!
Interesting!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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If I can manage at least interesting, then I think I've done alright.
Thanks Bill for checking in and leaving your thoughts!
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woooow
amazing...very niceeeee written,you had me read it with joy.wish the best of luck! -
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OH GOD! THIS WAS GOOD!!!
this was so, so, good. it really was. i mean, you don't know how good it was, but mostly, BECAUSE YOU EXPERICENCED IT! don't you get that? you obviously SAW it!! do you know what that is worth!?! i mean, DO YOU!?! this was beautiful, in it's own ugly way. the write was great. but don't sell the experience short. you can't sing the blues, if you ain't never felt them... ha/ha love gyhpsyfish.
p.s. there are always MANY colors in a rainbow...
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Glad you enjoyed!
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very powerful strange expressions leave the rainbow with added color in the mind of the reader....
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Color of degradation and neglect, in a way, I suppose.
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Thoughtful
1. Thank you for a non rhyming, non couplet poem!!! It is technical and still beautiful!
2. I feel jangled, started out great(I have seen the entire nation) then you hit me with your turn of theme.
3. Is it me, you seem to be going west with your descriptions..but end up at the Statue of Liberty and the Constitution...?
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Actually, from West to East, was the idea.
Hmm, non-rhyming non-couplet poems? Want a list? lol
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You are constantly adjusting my conceptions of poetry. For me this breaks all the rules that I cherish and yet it is still full of a beauty that can only be described as poetic.
Your imagery is as ever superb and this piece is cram full of marvels but I think you reached the peak with this one
"rag-worn poor rake thin gray fingers through filth"
Keep up the good work lest I fall back into the error of straight-jacketing all poetry within the fabric of my own limitations.
Jim
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Marvelous.
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