1973-
the river is high
i giggle and you
flash your eyes to me
i strip out of these clothes
and we make love on
the dry river-bed;
1974-
the river went back down
and we went back home.
Author notes
image (c) anjelicek
In a list
A contest entry
- - 500 GOLD Series - Need 3 more to close by Florida Sunshine.
800 points, ended July 31, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i won't forget as long as i live.
Comments
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I just read a similar poem like this recently. With this particular poem. Honestly I don't know why I feel so compelled to say this, but might I suggest-- writing one stanza 1973 and the next one ten or twenty years later, but making it a memory re-visited. You make it seem like they were on the riverbed doing it for a year straight. That's a lot of love making.
There are so many creative ways to use this form. I haven't seen it before the last poem I had read, so I'm assuming your the same poet. I'm definately going to give it a try myself, when the opportunity arises. With your permission of course.
The clever thing you've done with this style is you make such passion in the first stanza, then walk away leaving the reader wanting more.
Nice job! I really enjoy reading your work.
Best of luck to you,
Florida Sunshine
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A stark telling of young lust, boiled down to raw truth, well done dear, and powerful.
All the best in the contest.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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amazingly beautiful, seems you know how things seem to form, from just simple words,
very wonderful. love it
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