The Goddesses light falters,
allowing discord to rapidly approach,
the Stone Henge villagers.
As they begin to perform
the celestial incantation.
Placing Annwn upon the timber,
containing the color of her sweltering locks,
just as the faith healer decreed,
many morning crows before.
For she was supposedly eerie,
due to her pearl milk skin,
cordially inviting calamity.
Even those emerald eyes,
that cried a million mossy tears,
giving birth to the ocean’s breath,
were deemed a reprehensible omen.
And so she was released into her element,
forever taunting her captors' fraudulent soul,
until he too passes through her mother’s gates,
where he will receive no serene end.
Author notes
Prompt: Picture above
Credit Artist: Behind Your Illusion II by littlemewhatever
In Celtic the name Annwn means- Mythical name of The Otherworld..
This took me awhile and is the longest one I've written possibly all month...hope you enjoy it
A contest entry
- Mesmerizing picture #2 (PIF) by notorious.
789 points, ended July 19, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 128 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know how I did....
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I really liked this Vik.
I found it to be rather entrancing, and told a wonderful story, plus it's based in my home country ;P
Bravo!!
-
"Goddess' light falters"
Er...unneeded apostrophe there. Sticks out.
"allowing discord to rapidly approach"
I like that...'discord' is a nice word (to use, not its meaning...LoL).
"As they begin to perform,"
I don't think 'as' is needed. Neither is the comma.
"many morning crows before."
How utterly foreboding, awesome and abstract!!!
"For she supposedly seemed supernatural,"
This sounds conversationally casual...like, you would say this to a friend as a description. It doesn't read off like poetry.
"cordially inviting calamity."
Nicely phrased.
"Even her emerald eyes,
who cried a million mossy tears,"
Okay...'who' doesn't belong here.
Also...maybe consider making 'her' into 'those'.
"captors' fraudulent soul"
Okay...you should have an apostrophe after the 's' in 'captors'.
Thanks for entering. (: Good luck
-
-
Me and my errors..I will fix them soon...thanks
-
-
Thinking is good before writing. (:
-
-
Yes it is...sorry it's taking me awhile....
-
-
No worries!
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
