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Incommunicative.


Red flowing threads,
…my façade

desensitized,
no hue of pink to cheek

Sullen green, beams
from virtually hollow eyes.

Mouth should move,
tell the journey,
Past and its promises

            

       overruled, 

       Silence forced to abide,
       concealed behind veils of

                                             still air…

Author notes

Credit Artist: Behind Your Illusion II by littlemewhatever

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    "my facade"
    I love the word 'facade'...it's just so much cooler than "This is not the real me."

    "desensitized"
    Amazing word, and great word choice CinCity.

    "Sullen green"
    The word 'sullen' is another good word choice...you are good with adjectives

    "Mouth should move,
    tell the journey"
    Doesn't mean it will!!

    I don't think you need the 'however'...'overruled' kind of says enough for me. Just my opinion--if you want it to stay as much as you want a cupcake, that's cool with me, but I think it'd sound better without 'however'.

    "Silence forced to abide"
    Nice...although, "Bidden silence" would be cool as well IMHO...not sure which one I like more. =D

    "veils of still air"
    WOW. Very nice...(:

    Thanks for entering & giving me the Gold to your other contest...which spawned this one. =D

    • CinfullyDelicious
      July 18

      Edit | Reply
      well I just had to, had to dig deep for you, lol

      but this one, awesomely, wasn't a struggle...the pic spoke to me...odd, normally I struggle, need more from the pic lol...so yay

      i thought that about however...and you'll laugh but i thought I will wait for my phantasy and she what she says...she will confirm it for me or not lol..

      So yep, it's going


      Cind's

  • Sailor Ptolema gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    oooooooooooo. LOVE IT . You did well Cin! I love the reference of her hair to threads .and I love the word desensitized. That's an accurate word that definitely describes her facial expression as she looks rather unaffected. g'luck in the contest!

    ~Pt

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    wow sis this is so amazing. ive usxed that picture befoe for a contest but i never managed to write anything as amazing as this one. well done

    • CinfullyDelicious
      July 18
      Edit | Reply
      hehe , the first word that came into my head is mysterious...but i wanted / needed more bout why is she so mysterious...then it came heheh

      Thanks SiS

  • Susan John Francis
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!!!


  • SoldiersRain
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem. I really enjoyed this one. Seemed kinda misty..in a really good way. Anyways. Great write. Well done.

    SoldiersRain

    . Rewarded 4


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Bravo sis.. you did a wonderful job.. I really loved this. It flowed really well and yeah. I'm really at a loss for words with this write.. This was like.. mysterious and revealing at the same-time.. .. Best of luck sis... lubbers you!!!


    Angel

  • NurseyPoo
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Took few words to make a statement.Flows well. Nicely done. Pen on...


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Ya know.. I wear my hair as a facade too in a way.. I use it to hide behind.. which is why I never feel comfortable with it tied up!

    Think you picked up on the feeling in her eyes really well sis!
    Ahh that still air....



  • Sailor Ptolema gold member
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    Cute stuff . g'luck!

  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    Pretty b/g color & nice res. title (:
1 - 18 of 18