In the fog of morning's dreary arousal
anxiety is perched on old man time's back,
eagerly awaiting transformation from
the subconscious stupor of dreams
to the melancholy reverie of existence
Plagued by the hunger of inquisition
and dissatisfaction, I am life's biggest
critic, an empty shell with cracked
exterior
Biding the days with restless reluctance,
allowing little missteps to trample
springs newly sprouted flowers,
it's just not my style, to dip my
feet and test the water, my faith
is left to fate, no matter
how much it's lacking.
Author notes
prompt:
I talk to God, but the sky is empty.
- Sylvia Plath
In a list
A contest entry
- Current mood swing: Clutter → Confusion → Chaos by Never Fall in Love.
1000 points, ended August 4, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends by Jai Guru Deva.
1600 points, ended May 15, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wow, I really can relate to this. I have suffered from a lot of anxiety in my life. I used to get panic attacks daily. It has been a couple of years, but I still get anxious occasionally. I love your descriptions and wording, they describe it perfectly. My favorite lines are...
Biding the days with restless reluctance,
allowing little missteps to trample
springs newly sprouted flowers
...Just when things seem to be okay some little thing will happen and all the bad feelings will come back. Great job!
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thoughful i enjoyed it
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oh your words reach out to me and make me feel your emotion, your passion, your angst! i understand where you are coming from, i truly hope things get better for you! my emptiness has not been fuflilled yet either
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The last stanza really made me think.. You did a wonderful job with this.. I really liked the emotions that your expressed in your words.. and the flow was nice as well.. Thank you very much for sharing.. And Congrats on the HM though I think it deserves a little more then that.. But hey! at least you got something!
I greatly enjoyed reading this..
Angel
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I can really relate to these words.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck!
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8 on a scale of 10
My favorite line was "I am life's biggest
critic, an empty shell with cracked
exterior." My only complaint is it seems to be missing a line before the last stansa. I fell it needs that extra slap in the face to truly put it away.
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OH..this really gave us some meat to chew upon!
You wrote it freewrite which not typically is your style,
the meat in it really gave us interesting prompts to
chew upon.
an empty shell with cracked exteriors...
EMPTY YOU ARE NOT-filled to the brim fully overflowing
with Bold hopes and dreams yet to be fulfilled tortured by old man time,
who holds the reins "temporarily" to you living every
fantasy and dream...vividly.
great poem that really stops us in our tracks to chew
upon!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
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The last stanza of this is very powerful. Very emotional. I did feel though that at the beginning, I felt the write to be a bit wordy and wanted to cut out unecessary words.
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A self awareness in not knowing
but hungry to live and meet what is.
'...an empty shell with cracked exterior'
Love this description of a 'searching self', I read hungry, dependant and delicate (weak) in the face of 'Awesome All-ness'.
An honesty about one's own clumsy limitations and yet at the same time, there's a strength in acceptance here. An acceptance of one's self being in and of the same mystery which can sometimes be held as something at a sacred distance by many. Agreeing to live in it rather than merely holding up some principle like an idol to be worshipped from a distance.
My words are failing me a bit today... Hope this makes sense.
Sol
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Cynical
But isn't empty supposed to be? It is hard sometimes to remember to be grateful for all that we do have instead of feeling like we have nothing...I struggle with it all the time...I know the feeling of empty.
Nevadapoet -
This is a really beautiful poem that packs a lot of meaning and feeling into very few words and lines, which is enjoyable. It's also nice that you have enough lines, as constantly, on this site, people don't use enough words, and have a half-formed poem with very incomplete thoughts, and that is annoying. It was nice that you laced up the end of your piece as oppposed to letting the threads dangle. Thank you very much for sharing this with us, and I hope to read more from you soon ^_^
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Empitness in life hits us all at one time or another. I feel you have captured a moment in time when this happens...thanks for sharing
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