Labyrinthine rooftops, red-bricked
bloom infested gardens:
dawning suburban idyll.
The nearby needled tree,
grim, a stone pine,
obscure night-quill foliage
disrupting, to the left,
the seeker’s sight.
Harmony, a shiver
and a sky darkness-glazed,
a pallid, heavy moon
so soon no stars,
no star.
A contest entry
- Look Out Your Window by BellaD.
875 points, ended July 30, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
I don't usually care for this style, however, you have done it to perfection as it was meant to done... excellent write!!
-
rustic
I love this part
Labyrinthine rooftops, red-bricked
bloom infested gardens:
dawning suburban idyll.
This is already image worthy that feeds the wandering eyes
sigh where are the stars to complete the picturesque view out the window...contemplative...
-
That star
Always the peots mind displays a sadness that can not go unnoticed. But alas the star shall appear to brighten the night and that poets words.
-
Nicely penned, congrats on your green trophy, felt perhaps the flow was muted by over zelous commas, and yet the stark imagery is pondering upon my mind. All in all a nice write.
-
well done. This is simply lovely.
Really stirs the emotions. I love this sort of mood work. really truly great.
Last verse was the best. I like Darkness-glazed (also like night-quill)
Thanks
-
Very good work!
I like this poem -- but, yet I must say I don't understand it ! The imagery is there with good rhythm and fine construction for sych a short poem! Very good job, friend!
-
this is very visual with great imagery though I see more then what is out the window, and anna you are a star, a luminous beautiful shining star and never will be starless
-
I enjoyed the strong start. 'Labyrinthine' is a fantastic word choice as well as 'idyll.'
'the nearby needled tree,' has an extra space between 'nearby' and 'needled' just in case you weren't aware!
'Pallid,' nice. This poem was concise and vividly grasping. I enjoyed it from start to finn.
-
Awesome visual imagery. The scene unfolds as I read. Love the last stanza. What a mournful, lonely feeling, yet a sense of beauty is instilled by this verse.
-
Sad!
Wow...I could feel this. Perhaps I'm too but now that I look out my window it's really dark with no stars! There's a sense of bleakness, suburban boredom & malaise in this piece. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm near bedtime after a very long day! This gave me an eerie feeling. I love starry skies. Living in the city doesn't give me the chance for much star gazing. Nice work here! It was very descriptive & gripping. Hope you do well in the contest. If I weren't so I'd enter, though looking out my window I'm guessing it wouldn't be a happy write. Damn...I hit the key before I started to write [I do that a lot]! I wanted to leave you 3 applause: Ugh...I'll catch you again!
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
